I just walked through the door and sat down at my computer immediately. I am just getting back from watching Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too and let me say that the movie is absolutely amazing and kudos to Tyler Perrty for such a fantastic job as well as the rest of the cast.
As I sit here typing away and watching my thoughts turn into words on this desktop I can't help but wonder what my future holds. When I think about marriage and children, a smile instantly appears on my face. Crazy how something like that can have the adverse effect on another human being. As I was watching Why Did I... I started to self reflect on my own life and my past relationships. As you watch the movie and the evolution of the marriages on screen you just start to think to yourself "I hope I never have to go through that." But what stood out to me was how Newton's Third Law of motion applied to the relationships. "Every action has a reaction equal in magnitude and opposite in direction." Those of you reading this right now maybe thinking "Where the hell is he going with this?" I'm about to tell you.
I often hear women complaining about how there are no good men in the world and how we are all the same. You are all entitled to your opinion and it's time for me to share mine on this matter. Outside of the obvious in that being a very bold and ignorant statement to make. It is also completely and utterly FALSE! But what I think women fail to understand is that if that is your mentality then you are putting yourself in the position to date the same "man" over and over again. For those of you who are thinking about this literally this maybe a good time to stop reading because the rest of this blog may go way over your head. But I digress. If a woman convinces herself that all men are the same and none of us are capable of love, trust and commitment, as well as mongamy then you have already cheapen every relationship that you enter in from that moment on. Hence Newton's Third Law of Motion. Contrary to popular belief, all men do not want to sleep with every woman we see or happen to be friends with. All men also do not intentionally do things to hurt women. This may come as a complete shock to some of you but some of us actually come to just to love you. When a man says "I love you" and MEANS it it's like watching the stars align and Earth being on its axis. It's like a phenomenon is happening right before your eyes. The reason I say that is because men are not emotional creatures. Are there some emotional men out there? Absolutely, but for the most part that is not the way we are built. So when a man decides to pour his heart out to you and tell you he loves you and wants nothing more but to spend the rest of his life with you, chances are you might want to at the very least hear him out.
I think about myself and a particular situation I was going through and I can't help but to feel a certain way about it. I'm not going to name drop because that is not my place but I am going to speak on it. I was with a women who to me was the most amazing woman I had ever met in my life. Educated, ambitious, strong, independent, funny, she had a great heart and she was absolutely beautiful. But beyond all that I saw a woman who needed to be loved and who wanted to be able to reciprocate that love. She had just gotten out of a lengthy relationship and maybe she did or maybe she didn't think she was going to marry her previous boyfriend but they were together quite awhile and one would think that at some point in time that would have been the plan. However, things ended between the two of them and we happen to meet. I wouldn't say I was looking for love and I certainly wouldn't say she was either but it found us and when it did it hit us like Katrina hit New Orleans. We were that couple that people would see and say "Ugh they make me sick" and others would say "That's the kind of love I want." We were just happy in love and it was just a beautiful sight to see. However, eventually we got through that honeymoon phase as most relationships tend to do and reality started to set in and it was time we became adults and took a magnified look at our relationship. We had distance between us, there were things that I wanted so desperately to give to her that I knew she wanted such as marriage and a family and at the point in time I was in no position to do so. Trying to graduate from college and get myself together financially and just create some stability for myself. In my heart I honestly believe that mentally I was ready to give her all of the above with no hesitation. I'm young but I know what I want out of life. I am well aware that what I want now may not be what I want ten years from now but at the time I knew the one constant in ten years would be her. So suffice it to say we decided to end things. I didn't want to be that man to ask her wait for me and I loved her enough to let her go find the man that could give her all she wanted and vice versa. She didn't want to be the woman to hold me back or keep me from doing what it is I needed to do. We have agreed to disagree on this matter because I'm sure many of you are thinking what I am. But I won't get into that. I do feel our past experiences shape what's to come in the future and I just feel like her past enabled her to feel a certain way about our situation and there is no one to blame for that.
I guess what I've been trying to hammer home this whole time is that don't place men or women in a box. It just isn't right by any means. I don't think all women are the same and trust me I've done the field study to know that they aren't. But we have to stop allowing our past to creep into our future and dictate what happens next. If you have been hurt (as many of us have been) don't convince yourself that it is inetvitable. Every relationship has its problems and loving anyone is never a walk in the park. But not having to walk alone in that park and having someone hold your hand is beautiful. Life is a struggle. We have been told since since childhood that "Life isn't fair." Well that little saying proves to be more and more true as you get older. But just because life isn't fair doesn't mean you quit when times get tough or run when you get scared because something may fail. If anything we should all have the exact opposite mentality and find comfort in knowing that nothing is and will never be perfect. We've been trained for this already. Failure is only as temporary as you allow it to be and also a state of mind.
If you love someone and the love between the two of you is real it should be unbreakable. It shouldn't be circumstantial by any means. Love is Love. It really angers me when I hear people say "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." Let me tell you something about that saying. When you tell someone that you are "in love" with them all you are saying is that they have met your expectations. The minute those expecations aren't being met anymore and things begin to change, the first thing out of their mouth is "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore." That is bullshit. Look up bullshit in Webster's Dictionary and that is exactly what should pop up and if it doesn't well Webster hadn't thought about it back then. Love is love people. Believe in it, take good care of it and love will turn around take care of you.
1Love
Mr. AV
