The Race Card

I'm going to set the tone early on this blog.  Racism will NEVER die because we are too scared to let it.  *pauses for reaction* Each and every one of us black, white, Hispanic, Asian or what have you has experienced racism at some point in our lives.  When we look back on that moment(s) we're either amused, upset or dumbfounded by the ignorance.  But to me not all racism should be crowned with the word ignorance.  Think about this for a minute shall we.  It has historically been the black man's defense mechanism to blame "the man" or pull the "race card" when things do not work in their favor.  Whether is looking for a job, caught in some illegal mess or just wrong doing.  Even better look at the public reaction of black women when they see a black man with a white woman.  That's just what we do.  I'm going to exclude myself from the "we" for the sake of this blog because I for one never blame "the man."  But nonetheless, black males are known for pulling the race card at every moment of weakness.  Now I am by no means saying that ALL of us do, that they don't have a legit point or that they're wrong for doing so.  I've seen first hand racism work against me.  But I feel that is exactly why we'll never let racism die.  Its more much more valuable in our society than we care to see because we place such a negative connotation on it.  Many of you reading that last line just said "This dude is fuckin' nuts!"  When I use the word valuable it is not to be confused with the word necessary.  It is valuable in its own right.   

Hypothetically speaking, lets just say racism disappeared all together.  Well now many of us have lost our defense mechanisms and our own sense of comfort.  When shit goes wrong now were going to be force to place blame on ourselves instead of "the man" or pulling the "race card."  Nobody ever wants to point the finger at themselves.  I don't care who you are.  Would it be nice to be able to drive through a nice neighborhood at midnight and not have the police run my tag because of the car I'm driving? Sure.  Would it be nice to get pulled over and not be asked "WHEN was the last time I was arrested?" You're damn right!  But I've come to accept the world around me.  Are there some ignorant people in this world that have no rhyme or reason as to why their racist? You can bet that shit.  But I believe they are the minority.  Others are more scared racist than anything else.  Allow me to elaborate further.

I think its safe to say that African-Americans/Blacks for whatever reason feel white people do not like them.  That most white people are racist.  I think that's bullshit, but again I'm speaking from a general point of view.  Well it is that very attitude that brings the racism.  If you think whites don't feel the tension you're sadly mistaken.  So naturally they themselves get on the defense.  Before you know it you're fighting a war of negative vibes.  Nobody has to even say a word.  You're looking at them like they don't like you and they're looking back feeling intimidated by the fact that they know you feel the way you do.  That me to is scared racism.  But again that's the norm and we're comfortable with that.  People like to be comfortable and regardless of the circumstances they prefer comfort over unfamiliarity.

In an recent interview with CNN Miami Heat Forward, Lebron James says racism played a role in the criticism he received for making his decision to play in South Beach.  I agree but to a certain extent.  Lebron chose to go on tv and have an hour long special about "The Decision."  That was his choice. All be it for a good cause to raise money for the Boys and Girls Clubs of America every chose to ignore that completely!  My feeling is that no matter what color or race you were everyone felt that was a terrible idea.  Especially since he chose to do so and not return to Cleveland.  Originally his biggest critics were his peers and former players, the majority of them being black.  But interesting enough as soon as the white media started to bash Lebron, the black public rose to his defense.  They then took the stand "Its ok for us to bash him, but you guys can't do it."  Now that's ignorant!  You can't open the door of criticism and then try to control who's going to walk thru it.  Brett Favre, Quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings, a white guy, has been playing the media and football fans about his retiring and coming back for 4 years now.  But basketball season hasn't even started and Lebron continues to get ridicule for his decision.  While Favre who is 1-2 as a starter and playing horribly is getting somewhat of a pass.  I'm not saying that the media hasn't mauled him like a Tiger because they absolutely have.  But I couldn't imagine how different things would have been if a black athlete went about his business the way Favre has and struggled the way he has. 

If we're going to point the finger at anyone we should start with ourselves.  We have helped create the racism around us so we need to shut the fuck up and stop crying about it.  Our parents taught us our ways and we continue to pass that on to our children.  That's the only explanation for a five year old walking in school and calling someone a "cracker" or "nigger."  That's what they are being taught.  The only way to break the trend is to stop ourselves.  Again I don't think racism will ever die and to me its not all that unfortunate.  Sad to say but what the hell would people talk about if it didn't.  The world runs on negativity.  I stop watching the local news because the shit is depressing and centered around negativity.  The world is fueled by all of this so there's no where for it to go.  World peace?  Sounds good but there's no way we could live with it because we would bore ourselves to death!

I know this post has many of shaking your heads in disbelief and I was well aware of that before I started to write it.  I know many of my friends will respectfully disagree and others will think I'm just wrong all together.  Nonetheless, I don't write for fame and I don't write for acceptance.  I do it to provide insight and a different perspective on life.  Also because I just enjoy putting my thoughts on paper.

I appreciate the love and support you all show to my blog. Thank you and God Bless

1Love
AV

Enough Is Enough... No Wait!

What do you do when you've had enough? When you've had enough of the pain and heartache. The constant fuck ups, the refusal for them to understand, listen and empathize or sympathize with your thoughts and feelings? How much is too much?  Depending on who you ask you'll get a variety of different answers.  Some will answer with their bitter hearts, some will answer with a forgiving heart, others will answer with logic and then you'll get those who are so impulsive that they don't even think before making their decision.  I am guilty of contributing to all of the above.  How many of you reading this have taken a significant other back after they cheated or forgiven them for something they did that they knew was wrong and it hurt like hell?  Chances are the majority of you have all done so and prior to taking such action you fought with yourself about whether or not you were making the right decision.  Truth is we never know until we step out on faith and make our decision one way or the other.  I personally feel its better to live without the "What if."

The "What if" is a son of a bitch! You know when you're laying in bed just reminiscing about life and you hit that rewind button and it takes you back to a decision that you pussied out on and you say "What if I would've...?" You are a prisoner of those four words and the only way to rid yourself of that cell is to let it go and move on.  I say its better not even become an inmate of the "What if" penitentiary and just go out on faith and let the cards fall where they may.  At least when you do so you will look back and say "at least I tried."  But and here's where shit gets tricky.  When you've been hurt so much by that person and you've given that second chance or you're undecided about whether or not they deserve one.  At what point do you say, "Fuck this! Enough is enough."

The only person that knows your heart better than you do is God.  All you can do is send your prayer up to Him and ask him to help guide you in your decision making.  Don't listen to outside voices telling you what they would do.  They don't have to live with the decision you make, you do!  People are quick to tell what they would do, but when push comes to shove and their placed in a similar situation. Their hands start to shake, their palms get sweaty and they can't pull the trigger on their decision themselves.  First thing you have to ask yourself is "How much do I want or need this person in my life?" and "At what cost am I willing to allow them back into it?"  If you feel the risk out weighs the reward, well 2 + 2 has always equaled 4.  At least it has in every math class I've ever taken.  But if you feel that person is worth whatever ever pain and heartache may or may not come.  Then you do what you feel is best for you.  Its not much more complicated than that.  We like to over analyze our own relationships and we start to see things that aren't there and hear things that aren't being said.  Don't complicate things by listening to the one hundred and one people around you.  Listen to YOURSELF, follow YOUR heart and do what's best for YOU.

As far as forgiveness goes, it doesn't go hand and hand with second chances.  Forgiveness means just that.  You have chosen to forgive the person for the pain they have cause and you wish them nothing but happiness.  If you can't wish them that happiness then you haven't forgiven them.  But just because you forgive doesn't mean you should immediately take them back.  Some people confuse the two.  They are two separate actions and should be treated as such.  In the words of my friend Lizz who has these words tatted on her body: "Always Forgive.... Never Regret"

I hope those of you who read this were able to grab some insight on forgiveness, second chances and when enough is enough in relationships.  I pray this reaches you or someone that maybe going through a similar situation.  God Bless you!

1Love
AV

Love and All That Other Shit...

I just walked through the door and sat down at my computer immediately.  I am just getting back from watching Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too and let me say that the movie is absolutely amazing and kudos to Tyler Perrty for such a fantastic job as well as the rest of the cast. 


As I sit here typing away and watching my thoughts turn into words on this desktop I can't help but wonder what my future holds.  When I think about marriage and children, a smile instantly appears on my face.  Crazy how something like that can have the adverse effect on another human being.  As I was watching Why Did I... I started to self reflect on my own life and my past relationships.  As you watch the movie and the evolution of the marriages on screen you just start to think to yourself "I hope I never have to go through that."  But what stood out to me was how Newton's Third Law of motion applied to the relationships.  "Every action has a reaction equal in magnitude and opposite in direction."  Those of you reading this right now maybe thinking "Where the hell is he going with this?" I'm about to tell you.


I often hear women complaining about how there are no good men in the world and how we are all the same.  You are all entitled to your opinion and it's time for me to share mine on this matter.  Outside of the obvious in that being a very bold and ignorant statement to make.  It is also completely and utterly FALSE!  But what I think women fail to understand is that if that is your mentality then you are putting yourself in the position to date the same "man" over and over again.  For those of you who are thinking about this literally this maybe a good time to stop reading because the rest of this blog may go way over your head.  But I digress. If a woman convinces herself that all men are the same and none of us are capable of love, trust and commitment, as well as mongamy then you have already cheapen every relationship that you enter in from that moment on. Hence Newton's Third Law of Motion.  Contrary to popular belief, all men do not want to sleep with every woman we see or happen to be friends with. All men also do not intentionally do things to hurt women.  This may come as a complete shock to some of you but some of us actually come to just to love you.  When a man says "I love you" and MEANS it it's like watching the stars align and Earth being on its axis.  It's like a phenomenon is happening right before your eyes.  The reason I say that is because men are not emotional creatures.  Are there some emotional men out there? Absolutely, but for the most part that is not the way we are built.  So when a man decides to pour his heart out to you and tell you he loves you and wants nothing more but to spend the rest of his life with you, chances are you might want to at the very least hear him out.


I think about myself and a particular situation I was going through and I can't help but to feel a certain way about it.  I'm not going to name drop because that is not my place but I am going to speak on it.  I was with a women who to me was the most amazing woman I had ever met in my life. Educated, ambitious, strong, independent, funny, she had a great heart and she was absolutely beautiful.  But beyond all that I saw a woman who needed to be loved and who wanted to be able to reciprocate that love.  She had just gotten out of a lengthy relationship and maybe she did or maybe she didn't think she was going to marry her previous boyfriend but they were together quite awhile and one would think that at some point in time that would have been the plan.  However, things ended between the two of them and we happen to meet.  I wouldn't say I was looking for love and I certainly wouldn't say she was either but it found us and when it did it hit us like Katrina hit New Orleans.  We were that couple that people would see and say "Ugh they make me sick" and others would say "That's the kind of love I want."  We were just happy in love and it was just a beautiful sight to see.  However, eventually we got through that honeymoon phase as most relationships tend to do and reality started to set in and it was time we became adults and took a magnified look at our relationship.  We had distance between us, there were things that I wanted so desperately to give to her that I knew she wanted such as marriage and a family and at the point in time I was in no position to do so.  Trying to graduate from college and get myself together financially and just create some stability for myself.  In my heart I honestly believe that mentally I was ready to give her all of the above with no hesitation.  I'm young but I know what I want out of life. I am well aware that what I want now may not be what I want ten years from now but at the time I knew the one constant in ten years would be her.  So suffice it to say we decided to end things.  I didn't want to be that man to ask her wait for me and I loved her enough to let her go find the man that could give her all she wanted and vice versa.  She didn't want to be the woman to hold me back or keep me from doing what it is I needed to do.  We have agreed to disagree on this matter because I'm sure many of you are thinking what I am.  But I won't get into that.  I do feel our past experiences shape what's to come in the future and I just feel like her past enabled her to feel a certain way about our situation and there is no one to blame for that.


I guess what I've been trying to hammer home this whole time is that don't place men or women in a box.  It just isn't right by any means.  I don't think all women are the same and trust me I've done the field study to know that they aren't.  But we have to stop allowing our past to creep into our future and dictate what happens next.  If you have been hurt (as many of us have been) don't convince yourself that it is inetvitable.  Every relationship has its problems and loving anyone is never a walk in the park.  But not having to walk alone in that park and having someone hold your hand is beautiful.  Life is a struggle.  We have been told since since childhood that "Life isn't fair."  Well that little saying proves to be more and more true as you get older.  But just because life isn't fair doesn't mean you quit when times get tough or run when you get scared because something may fail.  If anything we should all have the exact opposite mentality and find comfort in knowing that nothing is and will never be perfect.  We've been trained for this already.  Failure is only as temporary as you allow it to be and also a state of mind.  

If you love someone and the love between the two of you is real it should be unbreakable.  It shouldn't be circumstantial by any means.  Love is Love.  It really angers me when I hear people say "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."  Let me tell you something about that saying.  When you tell someone that you are "in love" with them all you are saying is that they have met your expectations.  The minute those expecations aren't being met anymore and things begin to change, the first thing out of their mouth is "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore."  That is bullshit.  Look up bullshit in Webster's Dictionary and that is exactly what should pop up and if it doesn't well Webster hadn't thought about it back then.  Love is love people.  Believe in it, take good care of it and love will turn around take care of you.


1Love
Mr. AV