Happy Mother's Day Mom

*I haven't typed out a word and I'm already getting emotional just thinking about you*

I would like to first begin this by telling you I know there is no love like the love a Mother has for her child.  I was your first born and when my life began, we started on a new journey together.  I know you must've been scared out out of your mind when I first entered into this world.  But if I know you like I think I do, your worries quickly faded when you first held me.  Of all the many things you have accomplished, being a phenomenal mother tops that list.  I've heard a lot of women say "I was born to be a mother."  I know that if that was God's purpose for you.  You have exceeded His expectations.

I remember being as young as 3 and 4 years old riding around with you everywhere you went.  You started to refer to me as "your partner." We didn't make a move without each other.  Science projects, you were there.  School plays, you were there.  A million and one basketball games, you were there. And for every girl friend I've ever had you were there to take a picture of us (LOL).  When I think about you I can't remember a time you weren't there.  In the past year I've met a quite a few people that grew up without a mother.  I think that was for a reason.  This was God's way of trying to tell me that I'm blessed beyond belief to have such a wonderful woman in my life to call Mom.

I laugh every time I listen to Luther Vandross - Power of Love.  I was 6 years old and knowing every word to this song because of how much you would listen to it in the car. (LOL).  We share a bond that is special.  We don't always see eye to eye and we've had our moments.  But at the end of the day, what has kept us close and its because of how well we know each other's hearts.  For every time I threaten to go stay with my dad when I was younger, to you having to come "discipline" me at the Boys and Girls Club and for the times where we just couldn't seem to a hold a conversation without arguing.  We both know that we walked away those things more hurt than upset every time.  You know that I love more than life itself and vice versa.  That is why our relationship is as strong as it is.

I definitely have to thank you for raising me to be a man that knows how to love and respect women.  You deserve ALL the credit for this one.  You don't have share the credit with anyone.  You always made sure I treated every girl friend I ever had with the utmost respect.  From the time I was 15 and you would had $20 and tell me to make sure I paid for her movie ticket (Oh I how I wish I had your $20 now).  I can't even count how many times you drove up and down 595 and the Turnpike to take me to go see one of them.  But what I'm most thankful for is how honest you've always been with me when it came to these matters.  Never afraid to say "You know Flaco, I think you're messing up."  I know I didn't always take heed to what you had to say, but it never went unheard.  Mostly because you speak in a tone that it hard to ignore.  But seriously, someday I'll be married and I have no doubts my wife will be your biggest fan.  Thank you for that.

Lastly, I know today in particular is hard one for you.  Abuela isn't here with us anymore and although you've been really strong about it, I know it effects you everyday.  I know you miss taking her to church and taking her grocery shopping on Sundays.  Just remember that you two were able to share your bond for 44 years.  Nobody can take that from you and now it's our turn to share ours for what I hope be a very long time.  She's still with us because I see her every time I look at you.  I just wanted to wish the both of you a Happy Mother's Day and tell you that I love you so much.  Thank you Mom, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you!

Love,

Your First Born

Honeymoon Phase: Make It Last Forever

Pessimist

"Honeymoon lasts not nowadays above a fortnight..." -SAMUEL RICHARDSON, Clarissa

"A honeymoon is a short period of doting between dating and debting..."- RAY BANDY, Little Giant Encyclopedia of Wedding Toasts

"Honeymoons don't last forever..." -LAILA HALABY, West of the Jordan


Optimist

"Tom and I will always be in our honeymoon phase..."  -Katie Holmes

"It was just that we had this phenomenal honeymoon relationship that just kept on going..."  -James Levine

Truth


"The honeymoon is over when she starts wondering what happened to the man she married, and he starts wondering what happened to the girl he didn't."


"The honeymoon is over when he phones he'll be late again for dinner, and she has already left a note that it's in the refrigerator."



We've all been there.  All the late night phone calls, the all day texting/bbming/emailing back and forth.  Your phone goes off and you instantly begin to smile when their name comes across the screen.  You think about them all day because that's all you know how to do.  Things that usually would bother you, you begin to careless about because of how they make you feel.  When you begin to think about your future you see them in it and you envision what life would be like with them five or ten years from now.  Lastly, there's that constant thought of them when you first wake up and right before you go to bed.  What I just described is known to many as the "honeymoon phase".

My question to you is why does it have to be a phase?  All of sudden the real world hits us and we lose all sense of romance, butterflies in our stomach and forget what it was once like.  Relationships take work to succeed just like anything else in life.  But work can also be fun.  When we start to hit a rough patch in our relationships we begin to think about all the things that are wrong and why we're not as happy as we used to be.  We start to nit pick at things that aren't really there and amplify the the smaller things that are.  We completely lose sight of the good times and what we did to get there.  What you don't realize is that even the "honeymoon phase" took work while it was going on.  But you enjoyed working so much that you didn't see it as such.  Its important to keep the fun and romance alive in your relationship.  You have to look forward to waking up and going to work in your relationship.

One of the bigger mistakes we make is when we open ourselves to the possibility of being with other people.  Sometimes this happens without us even realizing it before its too late.  We're spending more time talking to our friend than your significant other.  Spending more time on social networks getting to know others more than we are enjoying the company of the one we are with.  The innocent lunch dates and phone conversations start to turn into innocent flirting.  Before we know it we find ourselves engaged in activity that is no longer innocent or harmless,  but instead is detrimental to our relationship and we've opened up Pandora's Box.  All that time we've spent talking to someone else was time we could have been spending working on our own relationship.  We've given up on our "honeymoon phase".

The "honeymoon phase" does not have to be a phase at all.  It can last as long we want it to.  I feel like we've been mislead into believing that relationships don't last 30, 40 and 50 years anymore.  That mentality will have you old, lonely and bitter.  There is someone for everyone.  The day you give up on love and long lasting relationships is the day that person that was for you will eventually walk out of your life and into someone else's.

I am a firm believer in: What you put into life is what you'll get back from life.  If you half ass your relationship and spend all your time elsewhere.  Then you should expect your relationship to falter.  But if both, you and your significant are ready and willing to keep your relationship strong, keep your romance alive and always remember to have fun and enjoy each other no matter what.  There is no reason you can't make your honeymoon last forever.

As I'm beginning to wrap up this blog post Monica's - Before you Walk Out My Life comes on Pandora radio. 

"Never meant to cause you no pain. I just wanna GO BACK to being the same.  Well I, only wanna make things right.  Before you walk out of my life"


1Love
AV

The Dream or The Perfect Reality?

When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality. -- Dom Helder Camara


As I laid in my bed tonight tossing and turning.  I decided to wave the white flag in my battle with insomnia.  I then proceeded to turn on the tv and like most nights at midnight there wasn't a damn thing to watch.  So I went to my old reliable HBO On Demand and started watching reruns of Sex and the City (if you know me then you know this is the norm and if you don't know, now you know nigga *Biggie Voice*).  Interestingly enough that lead me to my computer and got me to thinking.  We often say that we can't help who we fall in love with.  Well if that is the case and we absolutely believe that.  Then my question to you is, What if you fell in love with someone that didn't want all the same things you wanted out of life.  Marriage, Children, etc...  With us living in a world that we have had convinced ourselves that love is scarce and Mr. and Mrs. Right are one in million.  Could we really walk away from the dream in order to experience the perfect reality?

I have a friend who is very adamant about not wanting to get married.  She's not against spending her life with a man but marriage just isn't on her bucket list by any means.  When I look at myself the only thing I've ever wanted to do in my life besides play professional basketball and open up a Boys and Girls Club is to start a family of my own.  Be married and have some kids.  Share a life with them and experience fatherhood and being a husband.  What if you fell in love with someone who didn't want all the things you've ever wanted?  What if I happen to fall in love with someone like my friend who didn't want to get married.  Could I give that up for the sake of our love?  I honestly do not know the answer to that.  Part of me feels like if I did flat out know the answer then that would be a mistake in itself.  That would make me a close minded person and that it something I pride myself on not being.  Is comprising the right thing to do in such a situation or is it best to break your ties  with that person and allow each other to find what each of you is really looking for?

I was in a relationship in which the woman and I happen to be in two different places in our lives.  Although we both wanted the same things, our timing couldn't have been worst.  I was still in school trying to attain my bachelor's degree in Sports Management while she had already started her career, she was living alone and had been for some time.  She was also looking to settle down and start a family.  Not to mention our relationship was a long distance.  From the outside looking people say things like "If you two really loved each other you could have made it work" or "She would've waited for you if she loved you."  But I don't know how much I lean towards that skewed perception of the situation.  Life and time are two things that don't wait for us.  So how exactly are we supposed to wait on it?  When we decided to end things I wasn't bitter because I felt like she should have waited for me.  I understood her dilemma completely.  She had a dream and she felt it was still well within grasp.  Who was I to ask her to come live in the not so perfect reality with me, together, forever.  Was she my Mrs. Right? *smirks* I don't know the answer to that.  Maybe she was or maybe she was just someone I needed to come along and open my eyes to something I hadn't experienced.  Nonetheless, she is an amazing woman I pray she finds all she's ever dreamed of and more.

At the end of the day, I guess it all boils down to the dream or the perfect reality.  Some people die chasing their dreams.  While others dream chase never forgetting to slow down to wake up and enjoy their perfect reality. 

1Love
AV

Committment... Checklist... The Fuck?

"What do you look for in a woman?"  The answer to this question changes about as much casts wardrobe in a Tyler Perry play.  Not from me in particular but for most men in general.  I recently read blog that spoke about men being able to commit and what makes us commit.  In that same blog it spoke about women and the proverbial "check-list."  Basically what the author was trying to say is that for a man to settle down its more about "right place, right time" than it is the woman in his life. 

Boissuq.com When men are ready to settle down, they go with whatever is right there at that moment. Luck of the draw…

Naturally I would love to disagree with the above statement, but in this case that quote does hold some truth to it.  Again not necessarily for me, but for men in general.  Most men don't think about marriage and settling down on a daily basis.  The majority don't approach dating with the idea of "Can I see myself with this person long term" its more like "She's cool and I enjoy her company, lets see how it goes."  It is the woman that later brings up the discussion of "Where do we stand?" or "Where do you see this going (in reference to the relationship).  At that point he has to decide whether or not that is something he wants to address or simply let her go on with her life and let her find the man that can give her all that she wants and needs.

We see men all the time that say things like "I think its about time I settle down."  Keep in mind no where in that statement does he make reference to the woman in his life.  He just feels that he's at a point in his life where chasing pussy is no longer a priority and he wants to settle down.  Well all that means is the next woman that walks into his life and makes him feel good and he loves, there's a good chance he'll marry her.  We can add this to the list of why the divorce rate in America is so damn high.  Most men don't settle down because of the women in their lives, they settle down because of where they are in their own lives.  Pardon me, but seeing how most women dream of being married and having a family she'll be so blinded by the fact this man wants to spend the rest of his life with her she won't even question why?  Call me crazy but I feel she's entitled to questioning someone that she's about to invest her life in.  But that's just me.  Ladies, any time a man starts a sentence with "I feel like I'm at a point in MY life...." then proceeds to want to make you apart of his life.  You have ask yourself is it more about him or you?  He has to want to settle down because he believes there is no other woman in the world that he can't picture himself being without.  Not that he's tired of chasing pussy and you happen to be in the picture now.

I personally don't even bother to date a woman that I can't see myself being with long term.  I think so many of us are so wrapped up in trying to figure what we want.  Truth is, until you figure what you DON'T want it is harder to pin point  the things you do.  I know exactly what I don't want.  So it allows me to weed out the women who possess such qualities.  To each its own and what I don't want maybe a necessity for the next man.  Do I have a checklist?  I think we all do.  Some are longer than others, some are much more shallow and some are just way too specific.  I happen to believe that checklist is more pivotal initially.  For instance, there has to be something on your "list" that attracts you to that person.  Once you're able to slowly start get to know them you may see they don't meet all the criteria on your list.  But that starts to matter less and less because of how that person makes you feel.  If they bring you joy, happiness and make you feel good about yourself.   Perhaps it won't matter as much that he hasn't graduated from college just yet, or that she happens to have a 3 year old son that isn't yours.  I'm not saying these are things that are easy to overlook by any means.  But our attitudes do tend to change when we have someone in our lives that bring us so much happiness.    

I don't want discourage any of you who happen to have a checklist that looks like this

1) Must be this height

2) Have a college degree

3) Be this race

4) Have this belief in God; and

5) Make x amount of money


BUT I do challenge you to really reevaluate your own life.  Before creating this checklist you have to understand where you are in your life and what it is you are expecting the next person to have to be with you.  "Who the hell am I" is the first question you need to ask yourself and be confident in your answer.

All men are different despite the popular opinion of women.  If you approach us like we're all the same then there's a good chance you will always see the same man.  Be open minded. Minded being the operative word.  I'm not telling you to open up your heart to every man.  But if you open mind I think you'd be surprised at what you find in some of us.

1Love
AV

Sex... Make or Break???

Can sex make or break a relationship?  Would you leave your significant other if his/her sex game just wasn't up to par or would you stay and try to figure out how to make your sex life better?  I'm sure this question haunts many of us.  On second thought perhaps it doesn't.  It seems like we, both men and women, have adopted the "test drive" rule.  When was the last time you decided to become exclusive with someone before actually having sex with them first and "test driving" the pussy or dick in the case of the ladies?  Truth is that shit has become a lost art in the world we live in today.  Women used to hold on to that "three month rule."  But then they realized that their friends weren't even holding on to that bullshit and figured they couldn't be judge so what hell.  So what happens when you fall for someone and you're so wrapped up in who they are as a person and everything is falling right into place. Finally, you decide to sleep with them and they fail the "test drive" like a pop quiz on a Monday morning.  Is that the deal breaker? Is it really on to the next one, as we now love to say?

I truly believe that chemistry can not be faked or created.  It is either exist between two people or it doesn't.  So when it comes to sex itself, if the two of you don't have that chemistry prior to laying down together it will not magically appear. The shit isn't magic and will no abracadara its way into your bedroom.  So again I ask, what happens when the sex just isn't what you expected?  First mistake we make is creating these crazy expectations in our minds as to what we think the sexual experience will be like.  You do realize regardless of how great it is, if it doesn't quite meet your expectations you've set them up to fail.  The second mistake we make is trying too hard to impress our partner the first time.  Here's some advice, just do you.  That way you're at least displaying some sense of confidence.  Hard to be confident when you're trying to do shit out of character just to impress your mate.  If chemistry isn't the problem and its more technique and lack of communication then the sex can be fixed instantaneously.  That is if your mate is open minded and doesn't believe they know everything there is to know about sex and they're receptive to your advice.  Every man or woman is different and its important that you get to know your partner and their body.  For the fellas this proves be a lot more difficult because you're forced to figure women out on the fly.  But if you're observant she'll tell you everything you need to know if you just listen and watch closely.  The biggest mistake you can make is trying to sex every woman the same thinking "you're the man."  That shit will get you embarrassed and talked about while they're sitting around sipping wine on a Saturday night.  Listen to your woman, observe her every move and touch and you'll know just what it takes to satisfy her fully.

So you see bad sex should really only negatively effect your relationship if the chemistry is the issue, which in that case you're probably better off being friends anyway.  But it should never break a relationship simply because he/she just doesn't have a clue.  Now I'll be the first to admit that I hate playing teacher and prefer the experienced lover myself.  But if you happen to be with someone who is a little wet behind the ears, you are now in position to mold them into the lover you want them to be.  That can prove to be pure genius and your sex life could reach places you never thought imaginable.

In the end, sex is just as much mental as it is physical.  It takes communication, observation and an open-mind to really have an amazing sex life with your partner.  If you have all three of those the physical aspect just flows with ease and her tasteful juices will follow suit.

1Love
AV

A Dream

A Dream

I had a dream I said, bout who she said
Bout you I said, that's MiMi she said
Indeed I said, proceed she said
I'm tellin' the world, she said nothin'
Thoughts ran thru my mind as I proceeded
She gave that smile, just as I pleaded
Continued I did and begin ask
(deep breathe)

Why he take you I said, "Heaven couldn't wait" she said
But why I said, I needed you more than the Lord Jesus did
She grab my hand, looked in my eyes
"Baby, everything is gonna be just fine"
But its not I said, it is she said
You were my world I said, don't cry she said
So what do I do I said, Live life she said
Impossible I said, that takes a week she said
Quoting the man Jay as a joke she did

I love you she said, ditto I said
I get it I said, I'll never leave she said
I believe you I said, you better she said
Then smiled and laughed we did

Then she faded to the black, but this time was different
I knew she 'd back due to the love and the missin'

*Eyes Open*

Enough Is Enough... No Wait!

What do you do when you've had enough? When you've had enough of the pain and heartache. The constant fuck ups, the refusal for them to understand, listen and empathize or sympathize with your thoughts and feelings? How much is too much?  Depending on who you ask you'll get a variety of different answers.  Some will answer with their bitter hearts, some will answer with a forgiving heart, others will answer with logic and then you'll get those who are so impulsive that they don't even think before making their decision.  I am guilty of contributing to all of the above.  How many of you reading this have taken a significant other back after they cheated or forgiven them for something they did that they knew was wrong and it hurt like hell?  Chances are the majority of you have all done so and prior to taking such action you fought with yourself about whether or not you were making the right decision.  Truth is we never know until we step out on faith and make our decision one way or the other.  I personally feel its better to live without the "What if."

The "What if" is a son of a bitch! You know when you're laying in bed just reminiscing about life and you hit that rewind button and it takes you back to a decision that you pussied out on and you say "What if I would've...?" You are a prisoner of those four words and the only way to rid yourself of that cell is to let it go and move on.  I say its better not even become an inmate of the "What if" penitentiary and just go out on faith and let the cards fall where they may.  At least when you do so you will look back and say "at least I tried."  But and here's where shit gets tricky.  When you've been hurt so much by that person and you've given that second chance or you're undecided about whether or not they deserve one.  At what point do you say, "Fuck this! Enough is enough."

The only person that knows your heart better than you do is God.  All you can do is send your prayer up to Him and ask him to help guide you in your decision making.  Don't listen to outside voices telling you what they would do.  They don't have to live with the decision you make, you do!  People are quick to tell what they would do, but when push comes to shove and their placed in a similar situation. Their hands start to shake, their palms get sweaty and they can't pull the trigger on their decision themselves.  First thing you have to ask yourself is "How much do I want or need this person in my life?" and "At what cost am I willing to allow them back into it?"  If you feel the risk out weighs the reward, well 2 + 2 has always equaled 4.  At least it has in every math class I've ever taken.  But if you feel that person is worth whatever ever pain and heartache may or may not come.  Then you do what you feel is best for you.  Its not much more complicated than that.  We like to over analyze our own relationships and we start to see things that aren't there and hear things that aren't being said.  Don't complicate things by listening to the one hundred and one people around you.  Listen to YOURSELF, follow YOUR heart and do what's best for YOU.

As far as forgiveness goes, it doesn't go hand and hand with second chances.  Forgiveness means just that.  You have chosen to forgive the person for the pain they have cause and you wish them nothing but happiness.  If you can't wish them that happiness then you haven't forgiven them.  But just because you forgive doesn't mean you should immediately take them back.  Some people confuse the two.  They are two separate actions and should be treated as such.  In the words of my friend Lizz who has these words tatted on her body: "Always Forgive.... Never Regret"

I hope those of you who read this were able to grab some insight on forgiveness, second chances and when enough is enough in relationships.  I pray this reaches you or someone that maybe going through a similar situation.  God Bless you!

1Love
AV

I Love You, Right?

It has often been said that love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.  What gets lost in that statement is that everyone's definition seems to be different.  Which I consider to be perfectly normal.  If we all had the same definition of love we would be in a world where objectivity and subjective thinking would be irrelevant because we would all see and feel the same way about love.

I don't care if you are the lonely widow or the thug running the streets we are all looking to be loved.  We want love so bad that when we think we've found the slightest piece of it we pick it up and run with it.  Even if it isn't love we will somehow find away to convince ourselves that its there so satisfy our own self conscious.  I feel I have have been guilty of this many times.  So much in fact that I have a hard time trying to decide if I have ever really been in love at all.  The reason for this is that when we exit a relationship and enter into a new one with someone else they tend to make us feel like there is no way we loved the one before them.  That we have finally found love with our new significant other and it becomes an ongoing cycle.  Each time someone new comes along we start to feel as if we didn't love the one before. 

Perhaps we are just fooling ourselves.  People like to say that we can't control our feelings.  Ok, fine let's say that piece of information is universally accepted and everyone believes that our hearts have a mind of their own.  But what about our minds?  We give the heart so much credit and completely neglect the power of our minds.  What I'm getting at is this.  Many of us can convince ourselves of anything if we put enough time, energy and thought into it.  So maybe we don't love the person we're with.  Maybe we have just convince ourselves and talked our heart into believing "Wow, I'm really in love."  I mean seriously think to yourself how many times you've said I love to a different significant other.  Now this may not apply to you and if it doesn't then God bless you.  But for many of us over the age of 21 we have maybe said "I love you" to a minimum of 2 or 3 people.  Those of you who have, think to yourself  and now looking back on it.  Did you really mean it?

I keep telling myself that I was in love with the last woman I dated and in my heart I really believe that I was and a piece of me still does love her.  I was ready to change my life and compromise all sorts of things to be with her.  But does that automatically mean I loved that person or was I ready for a change in my life and I cared a lot about her and was willing to see how things would work themselves out?  Who knows.

I'm not trying to discourage any of you from saying "I love you" because when you mean those three words there is nothing more beautiful.  But what I do encourage you to do is before saying them make sure its not your mind trying to convince your heart that you're in love.  There is no clear cut definition of the word "Love."  I'm not even sure what Webster says the definition is and I don't even care to look.  As far as I'm concerned it should say Love- (insert your definition here).

At the end of the day we are capable of being loved and all capable of loving.  But it is up to us to decide what our love is and how we are going to choose to display it.  I know its tough but don't let anyone tell you he or she doesn't love you because they wouldn't do this or that.  No, you wouldn't do this or that if you loved them but you're not with that person. 

In closing, I would like to tell you all if you're going to love then love hard because love isn't something just lying around at your everyday grocery store.  It is out there somewhere and its NOT your job to find it.  It will find you and when it does it is your job to cherish and take care of it.

1Love
Mr. Avant

Love and All That Other Shit...

I just walked through the door and sat down at my computer immediately.  I am just getting back from watching Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too and let me say that the movie is absolutely amazing and kudos to Tyler Perrty for such a fantastic job as well as the rest of the cast. 


As I sit here typing away and watching my thoughts turn into words on this desktop I can't help but wonder what my future holds.  When I think about marriage and children, a smile instantly appears on my face.  Crazy how something like that can have the adverse effect on another human being.  As I was watching Why Did I... I started to self reflect on my own life and my past relationships.  As you watch the movie and the evolution of the marriages on screen you just start to think to yourself "I hope I never have to go through that."  But what stood out to me was how Newton's Third Law of motion applied to the relationships.  "Every action has a reaction equal in magnitude and opposite in direction."  Those of you reading this right now maybe thinking "Where the hell is he going with this?" I'm about to tell you.


I often hear women complaining about how there are no good men in the world and how we are all the same.  You are all entitled to your opinion and it's time for me to share mine on this matter.  Outside of the obvious in that being a very bold and ignorant statement to make.  It is also completely and utterly FALSE!  But what I think women fail to understand is that if that is your mentality then you are putting yourself in the position to date the same "man" over and over again.  For those of you who are thinking about this literally this maybe a good time to stop reading because the rest of this blog may go way over your head.  But I digress. If a woman convinces herself that all men are the same and none of us are capable of love, trust and commitment, as well as mongamy then you have already cheapen every relationship that you enter in from that moment on. Hence Newton's Third Law of Motion.  Contrary to popular belief, all men do not want to sleep with every woman we see or happen to be friends with. All men also do not intentionally do things to hurt women.  This may come as a complete shock to some of you but some of us actually come to just to love you.  When a man says "I love you" and MEANS it it's like watching the stars align and Earth being on its axis.  It's like a phenomenon is happening right before your eyes.  The reason I say that is because men are not emotional creatures.  Are there some emotional men out there? Absolutely, but for the most part that is not the way we are built.  So when a man decides to pour his heart out to you and tell you he loves you and wants nothing more but to spend the rest of his life with you, chances are you might want to at the very least hear him out.


I think about myself and a particular situation I was going through and I can't help but to feel a certain way about it.  I'm not going to name drop because that is not my place but I am going to speak on it.  I was with a women who to me was the most amazing woman I had ever met in my life. Educated, ambitious, strong, independent, funny, she had a great heart and she was absolutely beautiful.  But beyond all that I saw a woman who needed to be loved and who wanted to be able to reciprocate that love.  She had just gotten out of a lengthy relationship and maybe she did or maybe she didn't think she was going to marry her previous boyfriend but they were together quite awhile and one would think that at some point in time that would have been the plan.  However, things ended between the two of them and we happen to meet.  I wouldn't say I was looking for love and I certainly wouldn't say she was either but it found us and when it did it hit us like Katrina hit New Orleans.  We were that couple that people would see and say "Ugh they make me sick" and others would say "That's the kind of love I want."  We were just happy in love and it was just a beautiful sight to see.  However, eventually we got through that honeymoon phase as most relationships tend to do and reality started to set in and it was time we became adults and took a magnified look at our relationship.  We had distance between us, there were things that I wanted so desperately to give to her that I knew she wanted such as marriage and a family and at the point in time I was in no position to do so.  Trying to graduate from college and get myself together financially and just create some stability for myself.  In my heart I honestly believe that mentally I was ready to give her all of the above with no hesitation.  I'm young but I know what I want out of life. I am well aware that what I want now may not be what I want ten years from now but at the time I knew the one constant in ten years would be her.  So suffice it to say we decided to end things.  I didn't want to be that man to ask her wait for me and I loved her enough to let her go find the man that could give her all she wanted and vice versa.  She didn't want to be the woman to hold me back or keep me from doing what it is I needed to do.  We have agreed to disagree on this matter because I'm sure many of you are thinking what I am.  But I won't get into that.  I do feel our past experiences shape what's to come in the future and I just feel like her past enabled her to feel a certain way about our situation and there is no one to blame for that.


I guess what I've been trying to hammer home this whole time is that don't place men or women in a box.  It just isn't right by any means.  I don't think all women are the same and trust me I've done the field study to know that they aren't.  But we have to stop allowing our past to creep into our future and dictate what happens next.  If you have been hurt (as many of us have been) don't convince yourself that it is inetvitable.  Every relationship has its problems and loving anyone is never a walk in the park.  But not having to walk alone in that park and having someone hold your hand is beautiful.  Life is a struggle.  We have been told since since childhood that "Life isn't fair."  Well that little saying proves to be more and more true as you get older.  But just because life isn't fair doesn't mean you quit when times get tough or run when you get scared because something may fail.  If anything we should all have the exact opposite mentality and find comfort in knowing that nothing is and will never be perfect.  We've been trained for this already.  Failure is only as temporary as you allow it to be and also a state of mind.  

If you love someone and the love between the two of you is real it should be unbreakable.  It shouldn't be circumstantial by any means.  Love is Love.  It really angers me when I hear people say "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."  Let me tell you something about that saying.  When you tell someone that you are "in love" with them all you are saying is that they have met your expectations.  The minute those expecations aren't being met anymore and things begin to change, the first thing out of their mouth is "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore."  That is bullshit.  Look up bullshit in Webster's Dictionary and that is exactly what should pop up and if it doesn't well Webster hadn't thought about it back then.  Love is love people.  Believe in it, take good care of it and love will turn around take care of you.


1Love
Mr. AV