I Just Want To Go To College

 

"Mommy, I want to go to college" said the six year old little boy to his mother, while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner.  "Well son, your father can't afford college so you're going to have to do really well in school or get athletic scholarship of some sort in order to afford it" she says to her son.  Thinking nothing of it the little boy says "No problem Mommy, I'll make you and Daddy really proud of me!"  That little boys grows up and makes straight As in high school and ends up getting a scholarship to the University of Florida and graduates with his Bachelor's Degree in Secondary Education.  His entire college tuition paid with financial aid and academic scholarships.  God bless that young man.  But for every one of these kids there are one hundred kids that have trouble making the grade and sometimes some who make the grade but are not granted a academic scholarship and have no way of paying for their college education.  What happens to that young man who's parents didn't help put away that money or perhaps start a college fund for him when he was born? Does he just forfeit his opportunity to get his degree.  Many of you have already said to yourselves "He could pay his own way through college."  I can't necessarily argue against that.  But why is that burden being placed on him?  

I feel from the day a child is born it is the responsibility of the parents to see to that their child is afforded each and every opportunity to go college.  When you become a parent, life is no longer about your wants and needs.  You may disagree and that's fine. This is only one man's opinion and in my opinion if you aren't ready to to sacrifice your wants and needs for the sake of your child then you are NOT ready to be a parent.  Your child needs to come first and foremost.  Most of us heard the same saying from all of our parents growing up "I don't want you to struggle the way I did. I want you to have everything I didn't."  Keep in mind I said most of us.  Not all of us were blessed enough to have parents with that mindset.  But I digress.  The point I'm trying to make is that we all want our children to have what we didn't have growing up.  We want them to have a better life and understand the value of hard work.  With that said, if your parents did not attend college like mine didn't, one would think that if there was only one thing they wanted me to do in the world it was to attend college and graduate with my degree.  Which is exactly what they hammered home to me from the time I could comprehend what they were trying to tell me.  I didn't grow up in a high income household.  I was brought home to a studio apartment in the hood when I was born and we never had much at all.  For as long as I can remember my parents always told me that I would have to earn a scholarship of some sort because they didn't have any money to pay for my college.  So I picked up a basketball and never looked back and earned that scholarship which I would later go on to lose. Why and How I lost it is irrelevant in reference to this blog.  But I did and now I'm having to find a way to pay for college.  I'm not blaming my parents for this.  I made many choices leading up to my losing the scholarship that I earned.  I am simply stating facts.

I am very hard on our parents in today's society and I maybe holding them to a higher standard than many of you.  But I believe that it is the responsibility of parents to see to it that their child is afforded every opportunity to attend college.  I know that when my child is born he/she will immediately have a college fund in their name.  I don't care if that means that I have to work a second job just to pay for it.  It is important to me that my child has that opportunity when the time comes.  I understand that shit happens and we don't live in a perfect world.  But the moment you accept that a college fund is out of your hands you are putting your child at a very big disadvantage.  My children will work, they will know what it is to work hard for everything they want in this world and academics will be of the utmost priority in my household. But I will NOT put it all on them to get a scholarship whether its academic or athletic.  They will be working towards that goal and IF they so happen to fall short I would have done my part as a parent to see that although they may have fell short, he/she still has the opportunity to attend a University of some sort.  It pains me when I see children having to pay for the mistakes that their parents made.  I know some people that I love more than anything right now who have done absolutely great for themselves and did it all by themselves.  They bust their ass to get to where they are and there is a great sense of accomplish on their part.  However, they should not have had to kill themselves the way they did.  But their parents weren't there for them and they did what they had to do. I applaud them and have a tremendous amount of love and respect for them. (They know who they are).

In conclusion, this subject happens to be near and dear to my heart and I feel very strongly about education and college.  Others may feel differently and this may not be as high up on your priority list and I'm not knocking you.  We are all different and that is what makes us all unique.  But our children are our future and our grand children will be their future and so on. I feel we must lay a strong and solid foundation with emphasis on the importance of education and see to it that we don't just talk the talk but we also walk the walk.

This is just one man's opinion and I hope you all enjoyed this blog.

1Love 

AV

Will You... Have My Baby?

I was sitting and having a conversation with my mom a couple weeks ago about my starting a family and getting married. I hinted at being ready to be a father and she said "Just make sure you do it the right way." I thought to myself "What the f*ck is the right way?" She went on to say how she would like me to be married before I start a family and this and that. Ideally that is the plan. I would love to be married and have a wife before starting a family. But we do not live in an ideal world.

The days of getting married and starting a family seem to be dead and gone.  Engagement parties have been replaced with baby showers.  Husbands and wives have been substituted with baby momma's and baby daddy's.  Lastly, the question "Will you marry me?" has been changed to "Will you have my baby?"  Many of you reading this are shaking your head in total disbelief and disappointment.  But before we pass judgment on the individuals who partake in this way of life we must sit back and examine the numbers.  The divorce rate in the United States in now up to fifty percent.  It is estimated to rise to sixty percent by the year 2012.  Now is the time to shake your head and wonder what has happen to our society.  It used to be taboo to have children before being married.  Now it is damn near encourage and accepted.  But is that necessarily wrong?  With the divorce rate skyrocketing the way that is has, why would anyone want to get married?

My mother said "Just make sure you do it the right way."  Looking back on it that's one of the most open ended statements I may have ever heard.  Everyone has an opinion as to what the "right" way is but before lending an opinion we need to take a step back and look at ourselves.  Is the right way getting married and being established as a couple and then bring a baby into the world?  What happens after the baby is born and the married couple decides that maybe they rushed their marriage or perhaps they just don't love each other like they used to? Now that baby is going to deal with his parents getting a divorce which may include custody battles, visitation rights, etc.  It's not the baby's fault that two adults couldn't work things out. But yet its the baby who is going to be effected the most for the rest of its life! Marriage should not be a foregone conclusion when deciding what the "right" way is before starting a family.  I don't want my readers feeling like I'm against marriage or that I don't believe in it because that couldn't be farther from the truth.  I'm all about spending the rest of my life with someone and saying my vows in front of my friends, family and most importantly God.  I'm simply stating the facts.

I look at a movie like Baby Boy and Tyrese's situation in that movie.  He's a 22 year old man with two baby mommas. His first baby mother had a son that is 4 years old and his other baby mother has a infant.  Here's the twist he's actually with his first baby's momma.  Meaning he cheated and she took him back.  There's one seen in that movie that really sticks out to me in reference to my blog.  While Tyrese and his baby mother's are being sexual intimate his says to them "I want you to have my baby."  It's almost humorous to watch a man say something like to a woman he doesn't necessarily LOVE and doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with.  He doesn't want to spend his life with the woman, but yet and still he wants her to have his child that will more than likely out live him and they will have to raise that child TOGETHER!  I'm dumb founded that we as a society have convinced ourselves that it is easier to raise a child than it is to make a marriage work.  (Laughing as I typed that last sentence).  There are so many young men and women out there without fathers because some dude decided he wanted some chick to have his baby.  This has become an epidemic and we have to put a stop to this.  It is not cool! Lil Wayne says the most beautiful gift you can give to a woman is a baby.  I'm not arguing with that because I happen to agree with Mr. Carter to a certain extent.  But an even more beautiful gift is loving that woman and sharing a life with her while you raise that baby together.  It is not enough to just impregnate a woman and send her money every chance you get and see the baby when you're not busy.  It is important for that child to grow up seeing his mother and father in the same house and watching them interact and being a great example for that child.  

My intention in writing this blog wasn't to offend any single mothers out there or to talk badly about fathers who don't see their children.  I wrote this blog because I'm tired of seeing little girls allowing these men to knock them up because they love them or think they love them.  Having a man's baby is not a sure fire way to keep him.  If anything the facts tend to show it has just the opposite effect.  Unfortunately in our society our men run from the responsibility of taking care of their children.  I just want us as a society to be conscious of what is going on around us and not just accept it and adapt.  But to step up and take a stand.

In conclusion, my opinion as to what the "right" way is doing what is best for all parties involved.  When I say all parties I am including the child.  You don't necessarily have to be married but it is important to raise your child up right.  Ideally you want to be able to do it in the same household and giving that child all the love in the world while giving each other that same love.  But again we don't live in an ideal world.  I just hope and pray that when that day comes and I'm about to be a father I can do right by my child as well as my girl friend, wife or baby mother.