The Race Card

I'm going to set the tone early on this blog.  Racism will NEVER die because we are too scared to let it.  *pauses for reaction* Each and every one of us black, white, Hispanic, Asian or what have you has experienced racism at some point in our lives.  When we look back on that moment(s) we're either amused, upset or dumbfounded by the ignorance.  But to me not all racism should be crowned with the word ignorance.  Think about this for a minute shall we.  It has historically been the black man's defense mechanism to blame "the man" or pull the "race card" when things do not work in their favor.  Whether is looking for a job, caught in some illegal mess or just wrong doing.  Even better look at the public reaction of black women when they see a black man with a white woman.  That's just what we do.  I'm going to exclude myself from the "we" for the sake of this blog because I for one never blame "the man."  But nonetheless, black males are known for pulling the race card at every moment of weakness.  Now I am by no means saying that ALL of us do, that they don't have a legit point or that they're wrong for doing so.  I've seen first hand racism work against me.  But I feel that is exactly why we'll never let racism die.  Its more much more valuable in our society than we care to see because we place such a negative connotation on it.  Many of you reading that last line just said "This dude is fuckin' nuts!"  When I use the word valuable it is not to be confused with the word necessary.  It is valuable in its own right.   

Hypothetically speaking, lets just say racism disappeared all together.  Well now many of us have lost our defense mechanisms and our own sense of comfort.  When shit goes wrong now were going to be force to place blame on ourselves instead of "the man" or pulling the "race card."  Nobody ever wants to point the finger at themselves.  I don't care who you are.  Would it be nice to be able to drive through a nice neighborhood at midnight and not have the police run my tag because of the car I'm driving? Sure.  Would it be nice to get pulled over and not be asked "WHEN was the last time I was arrested?" You're damn right!  But I've come to accept the world around me.  Are there some ignorant people in this world that have no rhyme or reason as to why their racist? You can bet that shit.  But I believe they are the minority.  Others are more scared racist than anything else.  Allow me to elaborate further.

I think its safe to say that African-Americans/Blacks for whatever reason feel white people do not like them.  That most white people are racist.  I think that's bullshit, but again I'm speaking from a general point of view.  Well it is that very attitude that brings the racism.  If you think whites don't feel the tension you're sadly mistaken.  So naturally they themselves get on the defense.  Before you know it you're fighting a war of negative vibes.  Nobody has to even say a word.  You're looking at them like they don't like you and they're looking back feeling intimidated by the fact that they know you feel the way you do.  That me to is scared racism.  But again that's the norm and we're comfortable with that.  People like to be comfortable and regardless of the circumstances they prefer comfort over unfamiliarity.

In an recent interview with CNN Miami Heat Forward, Lebron James says racism played a role in the criticism he received for making his decision to play in South Beach.  I agree but to a certain extent.  Lebron chose to go on tv and have an hour long special about "The Decision."  That was his choice. All be it for a good cause to raise money for the Boys and Girls Clubs of America every chose to ignore that completely!  My feeling is that no matter what color or race you were everyone felt that was a terrible idea.  Especially since he chose to do so and not return to Cleveland.  Originally his biggest critics were his peers and former players, the majority of them being black.  But interesting enough as soon as the white media started to bash Lebron, the black public rose to his defense.  They then took the stand "Its ok for us to bash him, but you guys can't do it."  Now that's ignorant!  You can't open the door of criticism and then try to control who's going to walk thru it.  Brett Favre, Quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings, a white guy, has been playing the media and football fans about his retiring and coming back for 4 years now.  But basketball season hasn't even started and Lebron continues to get ridicule for his decision.  While Favre who is 1-2 as a starter and playing horribly is getting somewhat of a pass.  I'm not saying that the media hasn't mauled him like a Tiger because they absolutely have.  But I couldn't imagine how different things would have been if a black athlete went about his business the way Favre has and struggled the way he has. 

If we're going to point the finger at anyone we should start with ourselves.  We have helped create the racism around us so we need to shut the fuck up and stop crying about it.  Our parents taught us our ways and we continue to pass that on to our children.  That's the only explanation for a five year old walking in school and calling someone a "cracker" or "nigger."  That's what they are being taught.  The only way to break the trend is to stop ourselves.  Again I don't think racism will ever die and to me its not all that unfortunate.  Sad to say but what the hell would people talk about if it didn't.  The world runs on negativity.  I stop watching the local news because the shit is depressing and centered around negativity.  The world is fueled by all of this so there's no where for it to go.  World peace?  Sounds good but there's no way we could live with it because we would bore ourselves to death!

I know this post has many of shaking your heads in disbelief and I was well aware of that before I started to write it.  I know many of my friends will respectfully disagree and others will think I'm just wrong all together.  Nonetheless, I don't write for fame and I don't write for acceptance.  I do it to provide insight and a different perspective on life.  Also because I just enjoy putting my thoughts on paper.

I appreciate the love and support you all show to my blog. Thank you and God Bless

1Love
AV

Committment... Checklist... The Fuck?

"What do you look for in a woman?"  The answer to this question changes about as much casts wardrobe in a Tyler Perry play.  Not from me in particular but for most men in general.  I recently read blog that spoke about men being able to commit and what makes us commit.  In that same blog it spoke about women and the proverbial "check-list."  Basically what the author was trying to say is that for a man to settle down its more about "right place, right time" than it is the woman in his life. 

Boissuq.com When men are ready to settle down, they go with whatever is right there at that moment. Luck of the draw…

Naturally I would love to disagree with the above statement, but in this case that quote does hold some truth to it.  Again not necessarily for me, but for men in general.  Most men don't think about marriage and settling down on a daily basis.  The majority don't approach dating with the idea of "Can I see myself with this person long term" its more like "She's cool and I enjoy her company, lets see how it goes."  It is the woman that later brings up the discussion of "Where do we stand?" or "Where do you see this going (in reference to the relationship).  At that point he has to decide whether or not that is something he wants to address or simply let her go on with her life and let her find the man that can give her all that she wants and needs.

We see men all the time that say things like "I think its about time I settle down."  Keep in mind no where in that statement does he make reference to the woman in his life.  He just feels that he's at a point in his life where chasing pussy is no longer a priority and he wants to settle down.  Well all that means is the next woman that walks into his life and makes him feel good and he loves, there's a good chance he'll marry her.  We can add this to the list of why the divorce rate in America is so damn high.  Most men don't settle down because of the women in their lives, they settle down because of where they are in their own lives.  Pardon me, but seeing how most women dream of being married and having a family she'll be so blinded by the fact this man wants to spend the rest of his life with her she won't even question why?  Call me crazy but I feel she's entitled to questioning someone that she's about to invest her life in.  But that's just me.  Ladies, any time a man starts a sentence with "I feel like I'm at a point in MY life...." then proceeds to want to make you apart of his life.  You have ask yourself is it more about him or you?  He has to want to settle down because he believes there is no other woman in the world that he can't picture himself being without.  Not that he's tired of chasing pussy and you happen to be in the picture now.

I personally don't even bother to date a woman that I can't see myself being with long term.  I think so many of us are so wrapped up in trying to figure what we want.  Truth is, until you figure what you DON'T want it is harder to pin point  the things you do.  I know exactly what I don't want.  So it allows me to weed out the women who possess such qualities.  To each its own and what I don't want maybe a necessity for the next man.  Do I have a checklist?  I think we all do.  Some are longer than others, some are much more shallow and some are just way too specific.  I happen to believe that checklist is more pivotal initially.  For instance, there has to be something on your "list" that attracts you to that person.  Once you're able to slowly start get to know them you may see they don't meet all the criteria on your list.  But that starts to matter less and less because of how that person makes you feel.  If they bring you joy, happiness and make you feel good about yourself.   Perhaps it won't matter as much that he hasn't graduated from college just yet, or that she happens to have a 3 year old son that isn't yours.  I'm not saying these are things that are easy to overlook by any means.  But our attitudes do tend to change when we have someone in our lives that bring us so much happiness.    

I don't want discourage any of you who happen to have a checklist that looks like this

1) Must be this height

2) Have a college degree

3) Be this race

4) Have this belief in God; and

5) Make x amount of money


BUT I do challenge you to really reevaluate your own life.  Before creating this checklist you have to understand where you are in your life and what it is you are expecting the next person to have to be with you.  "Who the hell am I" is the first question you need to ask yourself and be confident in your answer.

All men are different despite the popular opinion of women.  If you approach us like we're all the same then there's a good chance you will always see the same man.  Be open minded. Minded being the operative word.  I'm not telling you to open up your heart to every man.  But if you open mind I think you'd be surprised at what you find in some of us.

1Love
AV

Education Please!

When I look at our school system in the United States I fear for our children as well as the future of America. Now before I go any further, I'd like to address the fact I have only attended private and public schools in the state of Florida. This is just one man's opinion and many of you I'm sure will disagree with my outlook on this situation. You are inclined to do so. But I digress. The first question that needs to be addressed is how did the most powerful nation in the world fall so far behind in terms of education. I think finger pointing is the blame. No one wants to take any responsibility. The parents are pointing at the teachers, the teachers are pointing at the parents and the school board and the school board thinks cutting cost is always the answer. Noting in the history of the world was ever resolved with finger pointing. Someone has to step up and hold themselves accountable for the disastrous education our children are receiving. I am fully aware that there are phenomenal teachers in our schools. I was fortunate and blessed enough to have been taught by many of them. But while I was being taught by some of the best, I had friends being taught by the worst of the worst! So how do we resolve an issue so deeply rooted in our own communities and within our country? I strongly believe it starts at home.

From the time we are born we are raised by our mothers and fathers.  Although fathers have become scarce in many of our communities, our mothers have remained strong in trying to raise us up right.  Regardless of whether its a single parent household or both parents happen to be present, it is their job to prepare their children for the world.  I walked in to kindergarten in 1991 and I knew how to read, write and do math.  Up until that day I had never met a teacher in my life.  My father worked for the city of North Miami and my mother was working at Equifax.  Neither of them attended college and neither of them were extremely studious in high school.  So it clearly doesn't take a genius to put a child in position to learn and be successful.  If you as a parent don't put your child in a position to succeed, you can all but guarantee they'll fail.  Are there children who rise above all of that? Absolutely!  But for everyone child that does there are a hundred that don't.  I don't know about you that is one statistic I'm not taking my chances with.  If you can stress the importance of learning and education into your child at a young age they will always carry that with them.  They will understand what it takes and they will strive for excellence because you help show them the way.  You as a parent can't expect your child to go to school and instantly be eager to learn when you haven't given him/her any incentive to want to learn.  They are children and the majority of children and adults even are driven by external motivation.  It is your job as a parent to motivate your child to get them to understand the value of an education because they are too young and naive to comprehend that on their own.  After you've motivated them and explained the importance it is your job to follow through with your actions.  Be involved as much as you can whether is checking their homework, attending parent teacher conferences or whatever it is you need to do to show your child they are not alone in their strive for excellence.  It is not enough to just say "Education is important so go to school and learn."  But then you're oblivious to the fact that your child is failing until the report card comes out.  That's child neglect whether the state says so or not.  We have to make a concerted effort to start our children's love for education and strive for excellence at home.

Which brings me to my next point.  Teachers, educators or what have you, have one the hardest jobs known to man.  They have taken on the responsibility of educating our future.  I feel they are so under appreciated and taken for granted every single day!  It has gotten so bad in our schools that teachers are being forced into classrooms of 30 or more students.  I'd say thirty percent of the students could careless and are only in school because they have to be so they're constantly distracting those who actually do care to learn.  Do you realize how hard it is for a teacher trying to get through to 30 kids when 10 of them could give a damn.  I think this is one of many reasons why some teachers have given up on trying to educate and just show up and give out work.  Its easier to hand out assignments and say this is due at the end of the class than it is to try to teach a lesson while you have 30 percent of the class is texting, playing games or whatever it is they are doing to cause a distraction.  But then what happens to the other 15 or 20 students.  They're education takes a hit because of those who don't give a damn?  That's clearly not an ideal situation.  Lets talk about standardized testing shall we. The Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test also known as the "FCAT" was first administered in 1998 to students statewide.  All third grade students must pass the reading section in order to move on and all high school students must pass reading and math to receive their high school diploma.  At first glance one would say they should absolutely have to pass a test to graduate to show they can at least read and write.  But if they take a deeper look into what goes on behind the scenes perhaps they could see the cause for concern.  When school starts in August the FCAT is being stressed from day one.  The whole curriculum is revolves around getting students to pass the FCAT.  Which means many teachers take on the attitude, "if its not on it, we're not teaching it."  Well why would some teachers take on such an attitude?  Perhaps because the school board has been in talks about basing their salaries on the performance of the students and their FCAT scores.  This has go to be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard in my life!  It just sends the wrong message to all parties involved.  Students strart to stress about one test determining their futures and teachers are stressing because their livelihood in being placed in the hands of 8 year olds and high students passing a test.  Standardized testing accomplishes nothing when put to the wrong use.  I do however feel students should take an assessment test the first week of school in a variety of subject matters.  That same test should be given at the end of the school year and then I feel we would have a better assessment of how our children are performing as well as how our teachers are educating them.  I am in no way, shape or form on board with teachers salaries being based on the success of the child.  Especially considering that where the school is geographically places a huge role in the performance of the students.  Is the system flawed? Yes.  Can it be fixed over night? No.  But did we wait too long to try to right this ship? Absolutely!  Something has to be done and its going to take a collected effort from all of us to get back on board and give our children the best chance at an education as well succeeding in life.

I've always wanted to make a difference in children's lives.  I grew up in the Boys and Girls Club and that changed my life for the better.  If I am ever blessed enough financially to open up one of my own I will do so and it will be with love and not for financial gain.  Our children are our future and if we don't invest our time and energy into them the streets will.  It starts at home! God bless.

1Love

AV

Sex... Make or Break???

Can sex make or break a relationship?  Would you leave your significant other if his/her sex game just wasn't up to par or would you stay and try to figure out how to make your sex life better?  I'm sure this question haunts many of us.  On second thought perhaps it doesn't.  It seems like we, both men and women, have adopted the "test drive" rule.  When was the last time you decided to become exclusive with someone before actually having sex with them first and "test driving" the pussy or dick in the case of the ladies?  Truth is that shit has become a lost art in the world we live in today.  Women used to hold on to that "three month rule."  But then they realized that their friends weren't even holding on to that bullshit and figured they couldn't be judge so what hell.  So what happens when you fall for someone and you're so wrapped up in who they are as a person and everything is falling right into place. Finally, you decide to sleep with them and they fail the "test drive" like a pop quiz on a Monday morning.  Is that the deal breaker? Is it really on to the next one, as we now love to say?

I truly believe that chemistry can not be faked or created.  It is either exist between two people or it doesn't.  So when it comes to sex itself, if the two of you don't have that chemistry prior to laying down together it will not magically appear. The shit isn't magic and will no abracadara its way into your bedroom.  So again I ask, what happens when the sex just isn't what you expected?  First mistake we make is creating these crazy expectations in our minds as to what we think the sexual experience will be like.  You do realize regardless of how great it is, if it doesn't quite meet your expectations you've set them up to fail.  The second mistake we make is trying too hard to impress our partner the first time.  Here's some advice, just do you.  That way you're at least displaying some sense of confidence.  Hard to be confident when you're trying to do shit out of character just to impress your mate.  If chemistry isn't the problem and its more technique and lack of communication then the sex can be fixed instantaneously.  That is if your mate is open minded and doesn't believe they know everything there is to know about sex and they're receptive to your advice.  Every man or woman is different and its important that you get to know your partner and their body.  For the fellas this proves be a lot more difficult because you're forced to figure women out on the fly.  But if you're observant she'll tell you everything you need to know if you just listen and watch closely.  The biggest mistake you can make is trying to sex every woman the same thinking "you're the man."  That shit will get you embarrassed and talked about while they're sitting around sipping wine on a Saturday night.  Listen to your woman, observe her every move and touch and you'll know just what it takes to satisfy her fully.

So you see bad sex should really only negatively effect your relationship if the chemistry is the issue, which in that case you're probably better off being friends anyway.  But it should never break a relationship simply because he/she just doesn't have a clue.  Now I'll be the first to admit that I hate playing teacher and prefer the experienced lover myself.  But if you happen to be with someone who is a little wet behind the ears, you are now in position to mold them into the lover you want them to be.  That can prove to be pure genius and your sex life could reach places you never thought imaginable.

In the end, sex is just as much mental as it is physical.  It takes communication, observation and an open-mind to really have an amazing sex life with your partner.  If you have all three of those the physical aspect just flows with ease and her tasteful juices will follow suit.

1Love
AV

A Dream

A Dream

I had a dream I said, bout who she said
Bout you I said, that's MiMi she said
Indeed I said, proceed she said
I'm tellin' the world, she said nothin'
Thoughts ran thru my mind as I proceeded
She gave that smile, just as I pleaded
Continued I did and begin ask
(deep breathe)

Why he take you I said, "Heaven couldn't wait" she said
But why I said, I needed you more than the Lord Jesus did
She grab my hand, looked in my eyes
"Baby, everything is gonna be just fine"
But its not I said, it is she said
You were my world I said, don't cry she said
So what do I do I said, Live life she said
Impossible I said, that takes a week she said
Quoting the man Jay as a joke she did

I love you she said, ditto I said
I get it I said, I'll never leave she said
I believe you I said, you better she said
Then smiled and laughed we did

Then she faded to the black, but this time was different
I knew she 'd back due to the love and the missin'

*Eyes Open*

Enough Is Enough... No Wait!

What do you do when you've had enough? When you've had enough of the pain and heartache. The constant fuck ups, the refusal for them to understand, listen and empathize or sympathize with your thoughts and feelings? How much is too much?  Depending on who you ask you'll get a variety of different answers.  Some will answer with their bitter hearts, some will answer with a forgiving heart, others will answer with logic and then you'll get those who are so impulsive that they don't even think before making their decision.  I am guilty of contributing to all of the above.  How many of you reading this have taken a significant other back after they cheated or forgiven them for something they did that they knew was wrong and it hurt like hell?  Chances are the majority of you have all done so and prior to taking such action you fought with yourself about whether or not you were making the right decision.  Truth is we never know until we step out on faith and make our decision one way or the other.  I personally feel its better to live without the "What if."

The "What if" is a son of a bitch! You know when you're laying in bed just reminiscing about life and you hit that rewind button and it takes you back to a decision that you pussied out on and you say "What if I would've...?" You are a prisoner of those four words and the only way to rid yourself of that cell is to let it go and move on.  I say its better not even become an inmate of the "What if" penitentiary and just go out on faith and let the cards fall where they may.  At least when you do so you will look back and say "at least I tried."  But and here's where shit gets tricky.  When you've been hurt so much by that person and you've given that second chance or you're undecided about whether or not they deserve one.  At what point do you say, "Fuck this! Enough is enough."

The only person that knows your heart better than you do is God.  All you can do is send your prayer up to Him and ask him to help guide you in your decision making.  Don't listen to outside voices telling you what they would do.  They don't have to live with the decision you make, you do!  People are quick to tell what they would do, but when push comes to shove and their placed in a similar situation. Their hands start to shake, their palms get sweaty and they can't pull the trigger on their decision themselves.  First thing you have to ask yourself is "How much do I want or need this person in my life?" and "At what cost am I willing to allow them back into it?"  If you feel the risk out weighs the reward, well 2 + 2 has always equaled 4.  At least it has in every math class I've ever taken.  But if you feel that person is worth whatever ever pain and heartache may or may not come.  Then you do what you feel is best for you.  Its not much more complicated than that.  We like to over analyze our own relationships and we start to see things that aren't there and hear things that aren't being said.  Don't complicate things by listening to the one hundred and one people around you.  Listen to YOURSELF, follow YOUR heart and do what's best for YOU.

As far as forgiveness goes, it doesn't go hand and hand with second chances.  Forgiveness means just that.  You have chosen to forgive the person for the pain they have cause and you wish them nothing but happiness.  If you can't wish them that happiness then you haven't forgiven them.  But just because you forgive doesn't mean you should immediately take them back.  Some people confuse the two.  They are two separate actions and should be treated as such.  In the words of my friend Lizz who has these words tatted on her body: "Always Forgive.... Never Regret"

I hope those of you who read this were able to grab some insight on forgiveness, second chances and when enough is enough in relationships.  I pray this reaches you or someone that maybe going through a similar situation.  God Bless you!

1Love
AV