The Rebound

What the fuck do I look like your "rebound"?  We've all been involved in this situation one way or the other.  You were either the rebound or rebounder. Being the rebounder is the easiest of the two.  You pretty much just catch the first good thing you see coming.  However, the one who is actually the "rebound" usually doesn't even see you coming and by the time you scoop them up its too damn late.  They are right in your hands and the only way they're going anywhere is if you yourself decided to let them go.  In your heart you know letting them go is the right thing to do.  You know you're in no position to be entertaining someone who may quite possibly fall for you.  You don't have what it takes mentally, physically or emotionally to give them what they deserve.  So why does the rebounder hold on to the rebound so long?

When you've been hurt and have had your heart torn to pieces you begin to embrace anything to help you smile and feel whole again.  I'm not saying you go looking for a new significant other or someone to date.  BUT, when someone happens to just pop into your life and shows you what it is to smile again or perhaps sheds some light on the fact that maybe not all men/women are the same you embrace them.  But while the rebounder is busy embracing the rebound, recovering from their recent heartbreak and putting the pieces of their life back together.  The rebound is falling for them.  There are some instances which the rebounder goes out of their way to actually let the rebound know the situation.  Now naturally you would think that if someone knows they're the rebound they would run from the situation.  Quite the contrary.  When someone is made aware they are the rebound, there is this sense of "want to" that takes over.  The rebound wants to show the rebounder that they can love them past all the heartache and pain.  The rebound wants to show them that they aren't that other person.  But the majority of the time that whole plan tends to backfire.

While you, the rebound is busy trying to prove to the rebounder that not all men/women are the same they are slowly starting to believe it or least entertaining the thought.  But what they are not entertaining is that YOU are that man or woman.  You have become a stepping stone in their recovery process.  You're just helping them to feel like they can love again in due time.  You're making them feel good about themselves, like it wasn't them that fucked up their last relationship, but that it was the other person.  Everybody wants to feel like they weren't the cause of a break-up.  It makes the recovery process easier to deal with when you can point the finger.  So what happens when they're ready to get out and date again?  They may actually give you, the rebound a chance.  But that chance being given is a little skewed.  You see up until now you've been a really good friend.  You've been there for them in the time of need and they are grateful for you.  Their gratification may lead to the start of a relationship.  I'm not saying that the rebound never gets the rebounder.  That would just be a naive statement to make.   Things happen and people fall in love.  But when you put yourself in a position where you have become such a good friend.  Most people try to avoid ruining the friendship by not dating at all.  So now you're in the friend zone with what maybe be your own broken heart but you were hoping for something more.

I'm not here to discourage anyone from becoming the rebound.  I've been there done and that and its had a different outcome each time.  I'm simply here to shed some light on the situation and encourage you to proceed with caution if it happens to you.  Trust yourself above all else.  If you feel like you cant do that then its probably in your best interest to steer clear of becoming the rebound.  If you can't trust yourself and your emotions you're just setting yourself up for heartache.  Try to be as rational as possible.  You have to know the rebounder's situation in its entirety if possible in order to really make an educated decision.  If you don't happen to know everything then just do what you feel in your best interest.  Just make sure you're aware of the ramifications of your actions.

"Being the rebound can be a bitch.  But if caught by the right rebounder it can lead to two points..." - AV Quotes

1Love
AV

The Dream or The Perfect Reality?

When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality. -- Dom Helder Camara


As I laid in my bed tonight tossing and turning.  I decided to wave the white flag in my battle with insomnia.  I then proceeded to turn on the tv and like most nights at midnight there wasn't a damn thing to watch.  So I went to my old reliable HBO On Demand and started watching reruns of Sex and the City (if you know me then you know this is the norm and if you don't know, now you know nigga *Biggie Voice*).  Interestingly enough that lead me to my computer and got me to thinking.  We often say that we can't help who we fall in love with.  Well if that is the case and we absolutely believe that.  Then my question to you is, What if you fell in love with someone that didn't want all the same things you wanted out of life.  Marriage, Children, etc...  With us living in a world that we have had convinced ourselves that love is scarce and Mr. and Mrs. Right are one in million.  Could we really walk away from the dream in order to experience the perfect reality?

I have a friend who is very adamant about not wanting to get married.  She's not against spending her life with a man but marriage just isn't on her bucket list by any means.  When I look at myself the only thing I've ever wanted to do in my life besides play professional basketball and open up a Boys and Girls Club is to start a family of my own.  Be married and have some kids.  Share a life with them and experience fatherhood and being a husband.  What if you fell in love with someone who didn't want all the things you've ever wanted?  What if I happen to fall in love with someone like my friend who didn't want to get married.  Could I give that up for the sake of our love?  I honestly do not know the answer to that.  Part of me feels like if I did flat out know the answer then that would be a mistake in itself.  That would make me a close minded person and that it something I pride myself on not being.  Is comprising the right thing to do in such a situation or is it best to break your ties  with that person and allow each other to find what each of you is really looking for?

I was in a relationship in which the woman and I happen to be in two different places in our lives.  Although we both wanted the same things, our timing couldn't have been worst.  I was still in school trying to attain my bachelor's degree in Sports Management while she had already started her career, she was living alone and had been for some time.  She was also looking to settle down and start a family.  Not to mention our relationship was a long distance.  From the outside looking people say things like "If you two really loved each other you could have made it work" or "She would've waited for you if she loved you."  But I don't know how much I lean towards that skewed perception of the situation.  Life and time are two things that don't wait for us.  So how exactly are we supposed to wait on it?  When we decided to end things I wasn't bitter because I felt like she should have waited for me.  I understood her dilemma completely.  She had a dream and she felt it was still well within grasp.  Who was I to ask her to come live in the not so perfect reality with me, together, forever.  Was she my Mrs. Right? *smirks* I don't know the answer to that.  Maybe she was or maybe she was just someone I needed to come along and open my eyes to something I hadn't experienced.  Nonetheless, she is an amazing woman I pray she finds all she's ever dreamed of and more.

At the end of the day, I guess it all boils down to the dream or the perfect reality.  Some people die chasing their dreams.  While others dream chase never forgetting to slow down to wake up and enjoy their perfect reality. 

1Love
AV

Single... Do YOU!

Single -only one in number; one only; unique; sole

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them." - Sex and the City

Someone asked me to write about the single life and the balances between females having their fun and going over board.  I can't speak for women, but I will speak for both men and women in general.  A lot people are surprised by the fact that I'm a fan of Sex and the City.  To me not only is the show entertaining but insightful.  How often do men get to listen and observe women without them being creeped out or unaware of it.  I take the time to educate myself while being entertained at the same time.  If you ask me the show should be on PBS its so damn educational.  Unfortunately, us men don't take the time to learn and are too busy worrying about what our boys would think about us watching SATC.  In the words of Clark Gable, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

I've often said that I'm not built for the single life.  When taking out of context that statement makes me seem needy or that I may have self dependency issues.  To be quite honest I used to struggle with believing I did myself.  But I've grown to realize there's nothing wrong with preferring to have that one person in my life.  My personality enjoys tending to a woman's needs and having that special someone in my life to share it with.  But I'm also one of the pickiest individuals known to man.  It doesn't stem from a physical aspect as much as it does compatibility.  I enjoy having the flexibility with someone that I can laugh with, talk about life and have that chemistry with.  But enough about me. Let me get into this blog.

To me trying to balance fun and boundaries while being single is one's personal choice.  There is no right or wrong way to be single.  There' no handbook called "Single for Dummies" and if there is the son of a bitch who wrote it is stealing money.  Boundaries are set at the discretion of yourself.  But what you must keep in mind is that all your actions will be followed by reactions and consequences.  There are all kinds of single people out there.  Some are are single and ready to mingle, others are single and have no intention of dating and just working on themselves and some are single and just blowing in the wind and if something good comes knocking then they may answer.  What kind of single are you?

For the record despite what ignorant people choose to talk and tweet about.  Having a casual relationship with a man does not make you a ho ladies.  The men who hold claim to this ignorant ass statement are exactly the men you should avoid.  Two adults who decide that casually dating is what works for them and have the respect for one another doesn't make them hos.  Although he may respect you, I caution you to understand that your actions may sometimes come with a price.  If you open yourself up to a casual relationship with a man he maybe hard pressed to want to see you exclusively.  So just be aware of that before entering into such a relationship.  Women attract men with the bait you dangle at us.  If you dangle casual relationship and he bites.  There's a good chance he wont let go and grab the exclusive title if you try dangling that later.  Just something to think about.

Again boundaries are set by you.  Don't allow others to dictate how you choose to live your single life.  I do however feel its important you respect yourself.  If you are at the peace with who you are when you go to sleep at night then fuck what anyone else has to say about it.  But if you're not and you feel your actions are unbecoming then address it and change it.  Just remember that all your actions come with a reaction.  You can't always control others reactions but you can always control your own.  So if you're single, be single and do you or someone else.  It doesn't matter.  Just do what you feel comfortable with and be true to yourself. 

1Love
AV

The Beast: Male Ego

BlurtIt.com: A male ego is often associated with a poor opinion of oneself in comparison with others and is believed to stem from an inherent complex which may alternate between feelings of superiority and inferiority resulting in the desire to impress others



The male ego is without question as sensitive as we joke about it being. It’s so sensitive in fact; it needs to be taken care of much like a baby or pet. It needs to be nourished, nurtured and loved. But by whom is the real question. Most women are smart enough to know that the male ego does have to be fed by them from time to time. Those women who know this very fact and choose to ignore it fall behind the 8 ball very quickly and learn things the hard way. Smarter women know when and when not to feed the male ego. They also know how much to feed it. It’s us, men they have no clue how to tame the beast inside us known as "The Male Ego."

Most men allow they're ego to run wild like a lion in the jungle or like a hoodrat in an uncut rap video. Just recklessly letting it do what it wants with no rhyme or reason and without control. What we fail to realize is that we must handle our Male Ego with care. We have the power to control the beast that lives within us. We have to be careful how much we feed it when it gets hungry. You want to know why some men enjoy fucking so many different women? The Male Ego. It makes him feel good to walk around knowing he can sleep with some many different women and makes himself feel good when he's around his boys talking about it sexual escapades.  He's feeding his ego way too much. Not only is he feeding it too much but he's feeding it McDonalds, Burger King and all that nasty unhealthy shit. Whatever is just lying around is being digested. Now that's all the ego needs, knows and it will continue to want more of it. Just like any baby or animal would.  The ego learns to appreciate what its being fed and given to by us. You have to handle the "Male Ego" with care. When you feed it don't allow it to get full and not be able to move from the table. Feed it just enough and feed it with some thing healthy. It will grow accustom to higher standards and self respect keeping it tamed and under control. You see most men are under the impression "I am who I am. I'm not gon' let her change me." Very well, to each its own. But you have the power to control what is within you and if you can't then there is no place for you in society and you should find a rehabilitation center as soon as possible.

You ever find yourself doing things out of character for a woman that you may not necessarily love. Well that's because she's figured out how to stroke your Male Ego and you can't get enough. So you now do things that are unbecoming because of how she makes you feel. She has successfully reached your male ego and it needs to be fed. So how is it women have figured out how to tame the beast that lives inside us before we could ourselves? That's because were stupid. Point blank period the majority of men think with their dicks. This clouds any judgment that we should be making with the head on our shoulders. Although women are notorious for thinking with their hearts and not their minds. When it comes to the male ego they keep all that emotional shit in check because they understand what we don't. The Male Ego needs to be handled with care.

Women have a way of making us feel like they need us without appearing needy. They can make us feel like the king of their lives when we know damn well she's been out on two other dates this week. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what’s going on there. We believe what we want and they're giving our male ego exactly what it needs. I've always said: "A smart woman knows how to make a man feel like he's in control. A smart man knows that a smart woman is always in control despite the way things appear." Problem is there are so many dumb men and women together that neither can figure out what's going on. We see this all the time!

Just to give fellas something think about. Ask yourself "What have I been feeding my ego?" and "Is it doing me more harm than good?" When you know the answer to those two questions you can then start to figure out how to control the beast inside you known as the Male Ego.


1Love
AV