Honeymoon Phase: Make It Last Forever

Pessimist

"Honeymoon lasts not nowadays above a fortnight..." -SAMUEL RICHARDSON, Clarissa

"A honeymoon is a short period of doting between dating and debting..."- RAY BANDY, Little Giant Encyclopedia of Wedding Toasts

"Honeymoons don't last forever..." -LAILA HALABY, West of the Jordan


Optimist

"Tom and I will always be in our honeymoon phase..."  -Katie Holmes

"It was just that we had this phenomenal honeymoon relationship that just kept on going..."  -James Levine

Truth


"The honeymoon is over when she starts wondering what happened to the man she married, and he starts wondering what happened to the girl he didn't."


"The honeymoon is over when he phones he'll be late again for dinner, and she has already left a note that it's in the refrigerator."



We've all been there.  All the late night phone calls, the all day texting/bbming/emailing back and forth.  Your phone goes off and you instantly begin to smile when their name comes across the screen.  You think about them all day because that's all you know how to do.  Things that usually would bother you, you begin to careless about because of how they make you feel.  When you begin to think about your future you see them in it and you envision what life would be like with them five or ten years from now.  Lastly, there's that constant thought of them when you first wake up and right before you go to bed.  What I just described is known to many as the "honeymoon phase".

My question to you is why does it have to be a phase?  All of sudden the real world hits us and we lose all sense of romance, butterflies in our stomach and forget what it was once like.  Relationships take work to succeed just like anything else in life.  But work can also be fun.  When we start to hit a rough patch in our relationships we begin to think about all the things that are wrong and why we're not as happy as we used to be.  We start to nit pick at things that aren't really there and amplify the the smaller things that are.  We completely lose sight of the good times and what we did to get there.  What you don't realize is that even the "honeymoon phase" took work while it was going on.  But you enjoyed working so much that you didn't see it as such.  Its important to keep the fun and romance alive in your relationship.  You have to look forward to waking up and going to work in your relationship.

One of the bigger mistakes we make is when we open ourselves to the possibility of being with other people.  Sometimes this happens without us even realizing it before its too late.  We're spending more time talking to our friend than your significant other.  Spending more time on social networks getting to know others more than we are enjoying the company of the one we are with.  The innocent lunch dates and phone conversations start to turn into innocent flirting.  Before we know it we find ourselves engaged in activity that is no longer innocent or harmless,  but instead is detrimental to our relationship and we've opened up Pandora's Box.  All that time we've spent talking to someone else was time we could have been spending working on our own relationship.  We've given up on our "honeymoon phase".

The "honeymoon phase" does not have to be a phase at all.  It can last as long we want it to.  I feel like we've been mislead into believing that relationships don't last 30, 40 and 50 years anymore.  That mentality will have you old, lonely and bitter.  There is someone for everyone.  The day you give up on love and long lasting relationships is the day that person that was for you will eventually walk out of your life and into someone else's.

I am a firm believer in: What you put into life is what you'll get back from life.  If you half ass your relationship and spend all your time elsewhere.  Then you should expect your relationship to falter.  But if both, you and your significant are ready and willing to keep your relationship strong, keep your romance alive and always remember to have fun and enjoy each other no matter what.  There is no reason you can't make your honeymoon last forever.

As I'm beginning to wrap up this blog post Monica's - Before you Walk Out My Life comes on Pandora radio. 

"Never meant to cause you no pain. I just wanna GO BACK to being the same.  Well I, only wanna make things right.  Before you walk out of my life"


1Love
AV

The Rebound

What the fuck do I look like your "rebound"?  We've all been involved in this situation one way or the other.  You were either the rebound or rebounder. Being the rebounder is the easiest of the two.  You pretty much just catch the first good thing you see coming.  However, the one who is actually the "rebound" usually doesn't even see you coming and by the time you scoop them up its too damn late.  They are right in your hands and the only way they're going anywhere is if you yourself decided to let them go.  In your heart you know letting them go is the right thing to do.  You know you're in no position to be entertaining someone who may quite possibly fall for you.  You don't have what it takes mentally, physically or emotionally to give them what they deserve.  So why does the rebounder hold on to the rebound so long?

When you've been hurt and have had your heart torn to pieces you begin to embrace anything to help you smile and feel whole again.  I'm not saying you go looking for a new significant other or someone to date.  BUT, when someone happens to just pop into your life and shows you what it is to smile again or perhaps sheds some light on the fact that maybe not all men/women are the same you embrace them.  But while the rebounder is busy embracing the rebound, recovering from their recent heartbreak and putting the pieces of their life back together.  The rebound is falling for them.  There are some instances which the rebounder goes out of their way to actually let the rebound know the situation.  Now naturally you would think that if someone knows they're the rebound they would run from the situation.  Quite the contrary.  When someone is made aware they are the rebound, there is this sense of "want to" that takes over.  The rebound wants to show the rebounder that they can love them past all the heartache and pain.  The rebound wants to show them that they aren't that other person.  But the majority of the time that whole plan tends to backfire.

While you, the rebound is busy trying to prove to the rebounder that not all men/women are the same they are slowly starting to believe it or least entertaining the thought.  But what they are not entertaining is that YOU are that man or woman.  You have become a stepping stone in their recovery process.  You're just helping them to feel like they can love again in due time.  You're making them feel good about themselves, like it wasn't them that fucked up their last relationship, but that it was the other person.  Everybody wants to feel like they weren't the cause of a break-up.  It makes the recovery process easier to deal with when you can point the finger.  So what happens when they're ready to get out and date again?  They may actually give you, the rebound a chance.  But that chance being given is a little skewed.  You see up until now you've been a really good friend.  You've been there for them in the time of need and they are grateful for you.  Their gratification may lead to the start of a relationship.  I'm not saying that the rebound never gets the rebounder.  That would just be a naive statement to make.   Things happen and people fall in love.  But when you put yourself in a position where you have become such a good friend.  Most people try to avoid ruining the friendship by not dating at all.  So now you're in the friend zone with what maybe be your own broken heart but you were hoping for something more.

I'm not here to discourage anyone from becoming the rebound.  I've been there done and that and its had a different outcome each time.  I'm simply here to shed some light on the situation and encourage you to proceed with caution if it happens to you.  Trust yourself above all else.  If you feel like you cant do that then its probably in your best interest to steer clear of becoming the rebound.  If you can't trust yourself and your emotions you're just setting yourself up for heartache.  Try to be as rational as possible.  You have to know the rebounder's situation in its entirety if possible in order to really make an educated decision.  If you don't happen to know everything then just do what you feel in your best interest.  Just make sure you're aware of the ramifications of your actions.

"Being the rebound can be a bitch.  But if caught by the right rebounder it can lead to two points..." - AV Quotes

1Love
AV

The Dream or The Perfect Reality?

When we are dreaming alone it is only a dream. When we are dreaming with others, it is the beginning of reality. -- Dom Helder Camara


As I laid in my bed tonight tossing and turning.  I decided to wave the white flag in my battle with insomnia.  I then proceeded to turn on the tv and like most nights at midnight there wasn't a damn thing to watch.  So I went to my old reliable HBO On Demand and started watching reruns of Sex and the City (if you know me then you know this is the norm and if you don't know, now you know nigga *Biggie Voice*).  Interestingly enough that lead me to my computer and got me to thinking.  We often say that we can't help who we fall in love with.  Well if that is the case and we absolutely believe that.  Then my question to you is, What if you fell in love with someone that didn't want all the same things you wanted out of life.  Marriage, Children, etc...  With us living in a world that we have had convinced ourselves that love is scarce and Mr. and Mrs. Right are one in million.  Could we really walk away from the dream in order to experience the perfect reality?

I have a friend who is very adamant about not wanting to get married.  She's not against spending her life with a man but marriage just isn't on her bucket list by any means.  When I look at myself the only thing I've ever wanted to do in my life besides play professional basketball and open up a Boys and Girls Club is to start a family of my own.  Be married and have some kids.  Share a life with them and experience fatherhood and being a husband.  What if you fell in love with someone who didn't want all the things you've ever wanted?  What if I happen to fall in love with someone like my friend who didn't want to get married.  Could I give that up for the sake of our love?  I honestly do not know the answer to that.  Part of me feels like if I did flat out know the answer then that would be a mistake in itself.  That would make me a close minded person and that it something I pride myself on not being.  Is comprising the right thing to do in such a situation or is it best to break your ties  with that person and allow each other to find what each of you is really looking for?

I was in a relationship in which the woman and I happen to be in two different places in our lives.  Although we both wanted the same things, our timing couldn't have been worst.  I was still in school trying to attain my bachelor's degree in Sports Management while she had already started her career, she was living alone and had been for some time.  She was also looking to settle down and start a family.  Not to mention our relationship was a long distance.  From the outside looking people say things like "If you two really loved each other you could have made it work" or "She would've waited for you if she loved you."  But I don't know how much I lean towards that skewed perception of the situation.  Life and time are two things that don't wait for us.  So how exactly are we supposed to wait on it?  When we decided to end things I wasn't bitter because I felt like she should have waited for me.  I understood her dilemma completely.  She had a dream and she felt it was still well within grasp.  Who was I to ask her to come live in the not so perfect reality with me, together, forever.  Was she my Mrs. Right? *smirks* I don't know the answer to that.  Maybe she was or maybe she was just someone I needed to come along and open my eyes to something I hadn't experienced.  Nonetheless, she is an amazing woman I pray she finds all she's ever dreamed of and more.

At the end of the day, I guess it all boils down to the dream or the perfect reality.  Some people die chasing their dreams.  While others dream chase never forgetting to slow down to wake up and enjoy their perfect reality. 

1Love
AV

Single... Do YOU!

Single -only one in number; one only; unique; sole

"Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them." - Sex and the City

Someone asked me to write about the single life and the balances between females having their fun and going over board.  I can't speak for women, but I will speak for both men and women in general.  A lot people are surprised by the fact that I'm a fan of Sex and the City.  To me not only is the show entertaining but insightful.  How often do men get to listen and observe women without them being creeped out or unaware of it.  I take the time to educate myself while being entertained at the same time.  If you ask me the show should be on PBS its so damn educational.  Unfortunately, us men don't take the time to learn and are too busy worrying about what our boys would think about us watching SATC.  In the words of Clark Gable, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

I've often said that I'm not built for the single life.  When taking out of context that statement makes me seem needy or that I may have self dependency issues.  To be quite honest I used to struggle with believing I did myself.  But I've grown to realize there's nothing wrong with preferring to have that one person in my life.  My personality enjoys tending to a woman's needs and having that special someone in my life to share it with.  But I'm also one of the pickiest individuals known to man.  It doesn't stem from a physical aspect as much as it does compatibility.  I enjoy having the flexibility with someone that I can laugh with, talk about life and have that chemistry with.  But enough about me. Let me get into this blog.

To me trying to balance fun and boundaries while being single is one's personal choice.  There is no right or wrong way to be single.  There' no handbook called "Single for Dummies" and if there is the son of a bitch who wrote it is stealing money.  Boundaries are set at the discretion of yourself.  But what you must keep in mind is that all your actions will be followed by reactions and consequences.  There are all kinds of single people out there.  Some are are single and ready to mingle, others are single and have no intention of dating and just working on themselves and some are single and just blowing in the wind and if something good comes knocking then they may answer.  What kind of single are you?

For the record despite what ignorant people choose to talk and tweet about.  Having a casual relationship with a man does not make you a ho ladies.  The men who hold claim to this ignorant ass statement are exactly the men you should avoid.  Two adults who decide that casually dating is what works for them and have the respect for one another doesn't make them hos.  Although he may respect you, I caution you to understand that your actions may sometimes come with a price.  If you open yourself up to a casual relationship with a man he maybe hard pressed to want to see you exclusively.  So just be aware of that before entering into such a relationship.  Women attract men with the bait you dangle at us.  If you dangle casual relationship and he bites.  There's a good chance he wont let go and grab the exclusive title if you try dangling that later.  Just something to think about.

Again boundaries are set by you.  Don't allow others to dictate how you choose to live your single life.  I do however feel its important you respect yourself.  If you are at the peace with who you are when you go to sleep at night then fuck what anyone else has to say about it.  But if you're not and you feel your actions are unbecoming then address it and change it.  Just remember that all your actions come with a reaction.  You can't always control others reactions but you can always control your own.  So if you're single, be single and do you or someone else.  It doesn't matter.  Just do what you feel comfortable with and be true to yourself. 

1Love
AV

The Beast: Male Ego

BlurtIt.com: A male ego is often associated with a poor opinion of oneself in comparison with others and is believed to stem from an inherent complex which may alternate between feelings of superiority and inferiority resulting in the desire to impress others



The male ego is without question as sensitive as we joke about it being. It’s so sensitive in fact; it needs to be taken care of much like a baby or pet. It needs to be nourished, nurtured and loved. But by whom is the real question. Most women are smart enough to know that the male ego does have to be fed by them from time to time. Those women who know this very fact and choose to ignore it fall behind the 8 ball very quickly and learn things the hard way. Smarter women know when and when not to feed the male ego. They also know how much to feed it. It’s us, men they have no clue how to tame the beast inside us known as "The Male Ego."

Most men allow they're ego to run wild like a lion in the jungle or like a hoodrat in an uncut rap video. Just recklessly letting it do what it wants with no rhyme or reason and without control. What we fail to realize is that we must handle our Male Ego with care. We have the power to control the beast that lives within us. We have to be careful how much we feed it when it gets hungry. You want to know why some men enjoy fucking so many different women? The Male Ego. It makes him feel good to walk around knowing he can sleep with some many different women and makes himself feel good when he's around his boys talking about it sexual escapades.  He's feeding his ego way too much. Not only is he feeding it too much but he's feeding it McDonalds, Burger King and all that nasty unhealthy shit. Whatever is just lying around is being digested. Now that's all the ego needs, knows and it will continue to want more of it. Just like any baby or animal would.  The ego learns to appreciate what its being fed and given to by us. You have to handle the "Male Ego" with care. When you feed it don't allow it to get full and not be able to move from the table. Feed it just enough and feed it with some thing healthy. It will grow accustom to higher standards and self respect keeping it tamed and under control. You see most men are under the impression "I am who I am. I'm not gon' let her change me." Very well, to each its own. But you have the power to control what is within you and if you can't then there is no place for you in society and you should find a rehabilitation center as soon as possible.

You ever find yourself doing things out of character for a woman that you may not necessarily love. Well that's because she's figured out how to stroke your Male Ego and you can't get enough. So you now do things that are unbecoming because of how she makes you feel. She has successfully reached your male ego and it needs to be fed. So how is it women have figured out how to tame the beast that lives inside us before we could ourselves? That's because were stupid. Point blank period the majority of men think with their dicks. This clouds any judgment that we should be making with the head on our shoulders. Although women are notorious for thinking with their hearts and not their minds. When it comes to the male ego they keep all that emotional shit in check because they understand what we don't. The Male Ego needs to be handled with care.

Women have a way of making us feel like they need us without appearing needy. They can make us feel like the king of their lives when we know damn well she's been out on two other dates this week. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what’s going on there. We believe what we want and they're giving our male ego exactly what it needs. I've always said: "A smart woman knows how to make a man feel like he's in control. A smart man knows that a smart woman is always in control despite the way things appear." Problem is there are so many dumb men and women together that neither can figure out what's going on. We see this all the time!

Just to give fellas something think about. Ask yourself "What have I been feeding my ego?" and "Is it doing me more harm than good?" When you know the answer to those two questions you can then start to figure out how to control the beast inside you known as the Male Ego.


1Love
AV

The Race Card

I'm going to set the tone early on this blog.  Racism will NEVER die because we are too scared to let it.  *pauses for reaction* Each and every one of us black, white, Hispanic, Asian or what have you has experienced racism at some point in our lives.  When we look back on that moment(s) we're either amused, upset or dumbfounded by the ignorance.  But to me not all racism should be crowned with the word ignorance.  Think about this for a minute shall we.  It has historically been the black man's defense mechanism to blame "the man" or pull the "race card" when things do not work in their favor.  Whether is looking for a job, caught in some illegal mess or just wrong doing.  Even better look at the public reaction of black women when they see a black man with a white woman.  That's just what we do.  I'm going to exclude myself from the "we" for the sake of this blog because I for one never blame "the man."  But nonetheless, black males are known for pulling the race card at every moment of weakness.  Now I am by no means saying that ALL of us do, that they don't have a legit point or that they're wrong for doing so.  I've seen first hand racism work against me.  But I feel that is exactly why we'll never let racism die.  Its more much more valuable in our society than we care to see because we place such a negative connotation on it.  Many of you reading that last line just said "This dude is fuckin' nuts!"  When I use the word valuable it is not to be confused with the word necessary.  It is valuable in its own right.   

Hypothetically speaking, lets just say racism disappeared all together.  Well now many of us have lost our defense mechanisms and our own sense of comfort.  When shit goes wrong now were going to be force to place blame on ourselves instead of "the man" or pulling the "race card."  Nobody ever wants to point the finger at themselves.  I don't care who you are.  Would it be nice to be able to drive through a nice neighborhood at midnight and not have the police run my tag because of the car I'm driving? Sure.  Would it be nice to get pulled over and not be asked "WHEN was the last time I was arrested?" You're damn right!  But I've come to accept the world around me.  Are there some ignorant people in this world that have no rhyme or reason as to why their racist? You can bet that shit.  But I believe they are the minority.  Others are more scared racist than anything else.  Allow me to elaborate further.

I think its safe to say that African-Americans/Blacks for whatever reason feel white people do not like them.  That most white people are racist.  I think that's bullshit, but again I'm speaking from a general point of view.  Well it is that very attitude that brings the racism.  If you think whites don't feel the tension you're sadly mistaken.  So naturally they themselves get on the defense.  Before you know it you're fighting a war of negative vibes.  Nobody has to even say a word.  You're looking at them like they don't like you and they're looking back feeling intimidated by the fact that they know you feel the way you do.  That me to is scared racism.  But again that's the norm and we're comfortable with that.  People like to be comfortable and regardless of the circumstances they prefer comfort over unfamiliarity.

In an recent interview with CNN Miami Heat Forward, Lebron James says racism played a role in the criticism he received for making his decision to play in South Beach.  I agree but to a certain extent.  Lebron chose to go on tv and have an hour long special about "The Decision."  That was his choice. All be it for a good cause to raise money for the Boys and Girls Clubs of America every chose to ignore that completely!  My feeling is that no matter what color or race you were everyone felt that was a terrible idea.  Especially since he chose to do so and not return to Cleveland.  Originally his biggest critics were his peers and former players, the majority of them being black.  But interesting enough as soon as the white media started to bash Lebron, the black public rose to his defense.  They then took the stand "Its ok for us to bash him, but you guys can't do it."  Now that's ignorant!  You can't open the door of criticism and then try to control who's going to walk thru it.  Brett Favre, Quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings, a white guy, has been playing the media and football fans about his retiring and coming back for 4 years now.  But basketball season hasn't even started and Lebron continues to get ridicule for his decision.  While Favre who is 1-2 as a starter and playing horribly is getting somewhat of a pass.  I'm not saying that the media hasn't mauled him like a Tiger because they absolutely have.  But I couldn't imagine how different things would have been if a black athlete went about his business the way Favre has and struggled the way he has. 

If we're going to point the finger at anyone we should start with ourselves.  We have helped create the racism around us so we need to shut the fuck up and stop crying about it.  Our parents taught us our ways and we continue to pass that on to our children.  That's the only explanation for a five year old walking in school and calling someone a "cracker" or "nigger."  That's what they are being taught.  The only way to break the trend is to stop ourselves.  Again I don't think racism will ever die and to me its not all that unfortunate.  Sad to say but what the hell would people talk about if it didn't.  The world runs on negativity.  I stop watching the local news because the shit is depressing and centered around negativity.  The world is fueled by all of this so there's no where for it to go.  World peace?  Sounds good but there's no way we could live with it because we would bore ourselves to death!

I know this post has many of shaking your heads in disbelief and I was well aware of that before I started to write it.  I know many of my friends will respectfully disagree and others will think I'm just wrong all together.  Nonetheless, I don't write for fame and I don't write for acceptance.  I do it to provide insight and a different perspective on life.  Also because I just enjoy putting my thoughts on paper.

I appreciate the love and support you all show to my blog. Thank you and God Bless

1Love
AV

Committment... Checklist... The Fuck?

"What do you look for in a woman?"  The answer to this question changes about as much casts wardrobe in a Tyler Perry play.  Not from me in particular but for most men in general.  I recently read blog that spoke about men being able to commit and what makes us commit.  In that same blog it spoke about women and the proverbial "check-list."  Basically what the author was trying to say is that for a man to settle down its more about "right place, right time" than it is the woman in his life. 

Boissuq.com When men are ready to settle down, they go with whatever is right there at that moment. Luck of the draw…

Naturally I would love to disagree with the above statement, but in this case that quote does hold some truth to it.  Again not necessarily for me, but for men in general.  Most men don't think about marriage and settling down on a daily basis.  The majority don't approach dating with the idea of "Can I see myself with this person long term" its more like "She's cool and I enjoy her company, lets see how it goes."  It is the woman that later brings up the discussion of "Where do we stand?" or "Where do you see this going (in reference to the relationship).  At that point he has to decide whether or not that is something he wants to address or simply let her go on with her life and let her find the man that can give her all that she wants and needs.

We see men all the time that say things like "I think its about time I settle down."  Keep in mind no where in that statement does he make reference to the woman in his life.  He just feels that he's at a point in his life where chasing pussy is no longer a priority and he wants to settle down.  Well all that means is the next woman that walks into his life and makes him feel good and he loves, there's a good chance he'll marry her.  We can add this to the list of why the divorce rate in America is so damn high.  Most men don't settle down because of the women in their lives, they settle down because of where they are in their own lives.  Pardon me, but seeing how most women dream of being married and having a family she'll be so blinded by the fact this man wants to spend the rest of his life with her she won't even question why?  Call me crazy but I feel she's entitled to questioning someone that she's about to invest her life in.  But that's just me.  Ladies, any time a man starts a sentence with "I feel like I'm at a point in MY life...." then proceeds to want to make you apart of his life.  You have ask yourself is it more about him or you?  He has to want to settle down because he believes there is no other woman in the world that he can't picture himself being without.  Not that he's tired of chasing pussy and you happen to be in the picture now.

I personally don't even bother to date a woman that I can't see myself being with long term.  I think so many of us are so wrapped up in trying to figure what we want.  Truth is, until you figure what you DON'T want it is harder to pin point  the things you do.  I know exactly what I don't want.  So it allows me to weed out the women who possess such qualities.  To each its own and what I don't want maybe a necessity for the next man.  Do I have a checklist?  I think we all do.  Some are longer than others, some are much more shallow and some are just way too specific.  I happen to believe that checklist is more pivotal initially.  For instance, there has to be something on your "list" that attracts you to that person.  Once you're able to slowly start get to know them you may see they don't meet all the criteria on your list.  But that starts to matter less and less because of how that person makes you feel.  If they bring you joy, happiness and make you feel good about yourself.   Perhaps it won't matter as much that he hasn't graduated from college just yet, or that she happens to have a 3 year old son that isn't yours.  I'm not saying these are things that are easy to overlook by any means.  But our attitudes do tend to change when we have someone in our lives that bring us so much happiness.    

I don't want discourage any of you who happen to have a checklist that looks like this

1) Must be this height

2) Have a college degree

3) Be this race

4) Have this belief in God; and

5) Make x amount of money


BUT I do challenge you to really reevaluate your own life.  Before creating this checklist you have to understand where you are in your life and what it is you are expecting the next person to have to be with you.  "Who the hell am I" is the first question you need to ask yourself and be confident in your answer.

All men are different despite the popular opinion of women.  If you approach us like we're all the same then there's a good chance you will always see the same man.  Be open minded. Minded being the operative word.  I'm not telling you to open up your heart to every man.  But if you open mind I think you'd be surprised at what you find in some of us.

1Love
AV

Education Please!

When I look at our school system in the United States I fear for our children as well as the future of America. Now before I go any further, I'd like to address the fact I have only attended private and public schools in the state of Florida. This is just one man's opinion and many of you I'm sure will disagree with my outlook on this situation. You are inclined to do so. But I digress. The first question that needs to be addressed is how did the most powerful nation in the world fall so far behind in terms of education. I think finger pointing is the blame. No one wants to take any responsibility. The parents are pointing at the teachers, the teachers are pointing at the parents and the school board and the school board thinks cutting cost is always the answer. Noting in the history of the world was ever resolved with finger pointing. Someone has to step up and hold themselves accountable for the disastrous education our children are receiving. I am fully aware that there are phenomenal teachers in our schools. I was fortunate and blessed enough to have been taught by many of them. But while I was being taught by some of the best, I had friends being taught by the worst of the worst! So how do we resolve an issue so deeply rooted in our own communities and within our country? I strongly believe it starts at home.

From the time we are born we are raised by our mothers and fathers.  Although fathers have become scarce in many of our communities, our mothers have remained strong in trying to raise us up right.  Regardless of whether its a single parent household or both parents happen to be present, it is their job to prepare their children for the world.  I walked in to kindergarten in 1991 and I knew how to read, write and do math.  Up until that day I had never met a teacher in my life.  My father worked for the city of North Miami and my mother was working at Equifax.  Neither of them attended college and neither of them were extremely studious in high school.  So it clearly doesn't take a genius to put a child in position to learn and be successful.  If you as a parent don't put your child in a position to succeed, you can all but guarantee they'll fail.  Are there children who rise above all of that? Absolutely!  But for everyone child that does there are a hundred that don't.  I don't know about you that is one statistic I'm not taking my chances with.  If you can stress the importance of learning and education into your child at a young age they will always carry that with them.  They will understand what it takes and they will strive for excellence because you help show them the way.  You as a parent can't expect your child to go to school and instantly be eager to learn when you haven't given him/her any incentive to want to learn.  They are children and the majority of children and adults even are driven by external motivation.  It is your job as a parent to motivate your child to get them to understand the value of an education because they are too young and naive to comprehend that on their own.  After you've motivated them and explained the importance it is your job to follow through with your actions.  Be involved as much as you can whether is checking their homework, attending parent teacher conferences or whatever it is you need to do to show your child they are not alone in their strive for excellence.  It is not enough to just say "Education is important so go to school and learn."  But then you're oblivious to the fact that your child is failing until the report card comes out.  That's child neglect whether the state says so or not.  We have to make a concerted effort to start our children's love for education and strive for excellence at home.

Which brings me to my next point.  Teachers, educators or what have you, have one the hardest jobs known to man.  They have taken on the responsibility of educating our future.  I feel they are so under appreciated and taken for granted every single day!  It has gotten so bad in our schools that teachers are being forced into classrooms of 30 or more students.  I'd say thirty percent of the students could careless and are only in school because they have to be so they're constantly distracting those who actually do care to learn.  Do you realize how hard it is for a teacher trying to get through to 30 kids when 10 of them could give a damn.  I think this is one of many reasons why some teachers have given up on trying to educate and just show up and give out work.  Its easier to hand out assignments and say this is due at the end of the class than it is to try to teach a lesson while you have 30 percent of the class is texting, playing games or whatever it is they are doing to cause a distraction.  But then what happens to the other 15 or 20 students.  They're education takes a hit because of those who don't give a damn?  That's clearly not an ideal situation.  Lets talk about standardized testing shall we. The Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test also known as the "FCAT" was first administered in 1998 to students statewide.  All third grade students must pass the reading section in order to move on and all high school students must pass reading and math to receive their high school diploma.  At first glance one would say they should absolutely have to pass a test to graduate to show they can at least read and write.  But if they take a deeper look into what goes on behind the scenes perhaps they could see the cause for concern.  When school starts in August the FCAT is being stressed from day one.  The whole curriculum is revolves around getting students to pass the FCAT.  Which means many teachers take on the attitude, "if its not on it, we're not teaching it."  Well why would some teachers take on such an attitude?  Perhaps because the school board has been in talks about basing their salaries on the performance of the students and their FCAT scores.  This has go to be one of the dumbest things I've ever heard in my life!  It just sends the wrong message to all parties involved.  Students strart to stress about one test determining their futures and teachers are stressing because their livelihood in being placed in the hands of 8 year olds and high students passing a test.  Standardized testing accomplishes nothing when put to the wrong use.  I do however feel students should take an assessment test the first week of school in a variety of subject matters.  That same test should be given at the end of the school year and then I feel we would have a better assessment of how our children are performing as well as how our teachers are educating them.  I am in no way, shape or form on board with teachers salaries being based on the success of the child.  Especially considering that where the school is geographically places a huge role in the performance of the students.  Is the system flawed? Yes.  Can it be fixed over night? No.  But did we wait too long to try to right this ship? Absolutely!  Something has to be done and its going to take a collected effort from all of us to get back on board and give our children the best chance at an education as well succeeding in life.

I've always wanted to make a difference in children's lives.  I grew up in the Boys and Girls Club and that changed my life for the better.  If I am ever blessed enough financially to open up one of my own I will do so and it will be with love and not for financial gain.  Our children are our future and if we don't invest our time and energy into them the streets will.  It starts at home! God bless.

1Love

AV

Sex... Make or Break???

Can sex make or break a relationship?  Would you leave your significant other if his/her sex game just wasn't up to par or would you stay and try to figure out how to make your sex life better?  I'm sure this question haunts many of us.  On second thought perhaps it doesn't.  It seems like we, both men and women, have adopted the "test drive" rule.  When was the last time you decided to become exclusive with someone before actually having sex with them first and "test driving" the pussy or dick in the case of the ladies?  Truth is that shit has become a lost art in the world we live in today.  Women used to hold on to that "three month rule."  But then they realized that their friends weren't even holding on to that bullshit and figured they couldn't be judge so what hell.  So what happens when you fall for someone and you're so wrapped up in who they are as a person and everything is falling right into place. Finally, you decide to sleep with them and they fail the "test drive" like a pop quiz on a Monday morning.  Is that the deal breaker? Is it really on to the next one, as we now love to say?

I truly believe that chemistry can not be faked or created.  It is either exist between two people or it doesn't.  So when it comes to sex itself, if the two of you don't have that chemistry prior to laying down together it will not magically appear. The shit isn't magic and will no abracadara its way into your bedroom.  So again I ask, what happens when the sex just isn't what you expected?  First mistake we make is creating these crazy expectations in our minds as to what we think the sexual experience will be like.  You do realize regardless of how great it is, if it doesn't quite meet your expectations you've set them up to fail.  The second mistake we make is trying too hard to impress our partner the first time.  Here's some advice, just do you.  That way you're at least displaying some sense of confidence.  Hard to be confident when you're trying to do shit out of character just to impress your mate.  If chemistry isn't the problem and its more technique and lack of communication then the sex can be fixed instantaneously.  That is if your mate is open minded and doesn't believe they know everything there is to know about sex and they're receptive to your advice.  Every man or woman is different and its important that you get to know your partner and their body.  For the fellas this proves be a lot more difficult because you're forced to figure women out on the fly.  But if you're observant she'll tell you everything you need to know if you just listen and watch closely.  The biggest mistake you can make is trying to sex every woman the same thinking "you're the man."  That shit will get you embarrassed and talked about while they're sitting around sipping wine on a Saturday night.  Listen to your woman, observe her every move and touch and you'll know just what it takes to satisfy her fully.

So you see bad sex should really only negatively effect your relationship if the chemistry is the issue, which in that case you're probably better off being friends anyway.  But it should never break a relationship simply because he/she just doesn't have a clue.  Now I'll be the first to admit that I hate playing teacher and prefer the experienced lover myself.  But if you happen to be with someone who is a little wet behind the ears, you are now in position to mold them into the lover you want them to be.  That can prove to be pure genius and your sex life could reach places you never thought imaginable.

In the end, sex is just as much mental as it is physical.  It takes communication, observation and an open-mind to really have an amazing sex life with your partner.  If you have all three of those the physical aspect just flows with ease and her tasteful juices will follow suit.

1Love
AV

A Dream

A Dream

I had a dream I said, bout who she said
Bout you I said, that's MiMi she said
Indeed I said, proceed she said
I'm tellin' the world, she said nothin'
Thoughts ran thru my mind as I proceeded
She gave that smile, just as I pleaded
Continued I did and begin ask
(deep breathe)

Why he take you I said, "Heaven couldn't wait" she said
But why I said, I needed you more than the Lord Jesus did
She grab my hand, looked in my eyes
"Baby, everything is gonna be just fine"
But its not I said, it is she said
You were my world I said, don't cry she said
So what do I do I said, Live life she said
Impossible I said, that takes a week she said
Quoting the man Jay as a joke she did

I love you she said, ditto I said
I get it I said, I'll never leave she said
I believe you I said, you better she said
Then smiled and laughed we did

Then she faded to the black, but this time was different
I knew she 'd back due to the love and the missin'

*Eyes Open*

Enough Is Enough... No Wait!

What do you do when you've had enough? When you've had enough of the pain and heartache. The constant fuck ups, the refusal for them to understand, listen and empathize or sympathize with your thoughts and feelings? How much is too much?  Depending on who you ask you'll get a variety of different answers.  Some will answer with their bitter hearts, some will answer with a forgiving heart, others will answer with logic and then you'll get those who are so impulsive that they don't even think before making their decision.  I am guilty of contributing to all of the above.  How many of you reading this have taken a significant other back after they cheated or forgiven them for something they did that they knew was wrong and it hurt like hell?  Chances are the majority of you have all done so and prior to taking such action you fought with yourself about whether or not you were making the right decision.  Truth is we never know until we step out on faith and make our decision one way or the other.  I personally feel its better to live without the "What if."

The "What if" is a son of a bitch! You know when you're laying in bed just reminiscing about life and you hit that rewind button and it takes you back to a decision that you pussied out on and you say "What if I would've...?" You are a prisoner of those four words and the only way to rid yourself of that cell is to let it go and move on.  I say its better not even become an inmate of the "What if" penitentiary and just go out on faith and let the cards fall where they may.  At least when you do so you will look back and say "at least I tried."  But and here's where shit gets tricky.  When you've been hurt so much by that person and you've given that second chance or you're undecided about whether or not they deserve one.  At what point do you say, "Fuck this! Enough is enough."

The only person that knows your heart better than you do is God.  All you can do is send your prayer up to Him and ask him to help guide you in your decision making.  Don't listen to outside voices telling you what they would do.  They don't have to live with the decision you make, you do!  People are quick to tell what they would do, but when push comes to shove and their placed in a similar situation. Their hands start to shake, their palms get sweaty and they can't pull the trigger on their decision themselves.  First thing you have to ask yourself is "How much do I want or need this person in my life?" and "At what cost am I willing to allow them back into it?"  If you feel the risk out weighs the reward, well 2 + 2 has always equaled 4.  At least it has in every math class I've ever taken.  But if you feel that person is worth whatever ever pain and heartache may or may not come.  Then you do what you feel is best for you.  Its not much more complicated than that.  We like to over analyze our own relationships and we start to see things that aren't there and hear things that aren't being said.  Don't complicate things by listening to the one hundred and one people around you.  Listen to YOURSELF, follow YOUR heart and do what's best for YOU.

As far as forgiveness goes, it doesn't go hand and hand with second chances.  Forgiveness means just that.  You have chosen to forgive the person for the pain they have cause and you wish them nothing but happiness.  If you can't wish them that happiness then you haven't forgiven them.  But just because you forgive doesn't mean you should immediately take them back.  Some people confuse the two.  They are two separate actions and should be treated as such.  In the words of my friend Lizz who has these words tatted on her body: "Always Forgive.... Never Regret"

I hope those of you who read this were able to grab some insight on forgiveness, second chances and when enough is enough in relationships.  I pray this reaches you or someone that maybe going through a similar situation.  God Bless you!

1Love
AV

I Love You, Right?

It has often been said that love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.  What gets lost in that statement is that everyone's definition seems to be different.  Which I consider to be perfectly normal.  If we all had the same definition of love we would be in a world where objectivity and subjective thinking would be irrelevant because we would all see and feel the same way about love.

I don't care if you are the lonely widow or the thug running the streets we are all looking to be loved.  We want love so bad that when we think we've found the slightest piece of it we pick it up and run with it.  Even if it isn't love we will somehow find away to convince ourselves that its there so satisfy our own self conscious.  I feel I have have been guilty of this many times.  So much in fact that I have a hard time trying to decide if I have ever really been in love at all.  The reason for this is that when we exit a relationship and enter into a new one with someone else they tend to make us feel like there is no way we loved the one before them.  That we have finally found love with our new significant other and it becomes an ongoing cycle.  Each time someone new comes along we start to feel as if we didn't love the one before. 

Perhaps we are just fooling ourselves.  People like to say that we can't control our feelings.  Ok, fine let's say that piece of information is universally accepted and everyone believes that our hearts have a mind of their own.  But what about our minds?  We give the heart so much credit and completely neglect the power of our minds.  What I'm getting at is this.  Many of us can convince ourselves of anything if we put enough time, energy and thought into it.  So maybe we don't love the person we're with.  Maybe we have just convince ourselves and talked our heart into believing "Wow, I'm really in love."  I mean seriously think to yourself how many times you've said I love to a different significant other.  Now this may not apply to you and if it doesn't then God bless you.  But for many of us over the age of 21 we have maybe said "I love you" to a minimum of 2 or 3 people.  Those of you who have, think to yourself  and now looking back on it.  Did you really mean it?

I keep telling myself that I was in love with the last woman I dated and in my heart I really believe that I was and a piece of me still does love her.  I was ready to change my life and compromise all sorts of things to be with her.  But does that automatically mean I loved that person or was I ready for a change in my life and I cared a lot about her and was willing to see how things would work themselves out?  Who knows.

I'm not trying to discourage any of you from saying "I love you" because when you mean those three words there is nothing more beautiful.  But what I do encourage you to do is before saying them make sure its not your mind trying to convince your heart that you're in love.  There is no clear cut definition of the word "Love."  I'm not even sure what Webster says the definition is and I don't even care to look.  As far as I'm concerned it should say Love- (insert your definition here).

At the end of the day we are capable of being loved and all capable of loving.  But it is up to us to decide what our love is and how we are going to choose to display it.  I know its tough but don't let anyone tell you he or she doesn't love you because they wouldn't do this or that.  No, you wouldn't do this or that if you loved them but you're not with that person. 

In closing, I would like to tell you all if you're going to love then love hard because love isn't something just lying around at your everyday grocery store.  It is out there somewhere and its NOT your job to find it.  It will find you and when it does it is your job to cherish and take care of it.

1Love
Mr. Avant

Love and All That Other Shit...

I just walked through the door and sat down at my computer immediately.  I am just getting back from watching Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too and let me say that the movie is absolutely amazing and kudos to Tyler Perrty for such a fantastic job as well as the rest of the cast. 


As I sit here typing away and watching my thoughts turn into words on this desktop I can't help but wonder what my future holds.  When I think about marriage and children, a smile instantly appears on my face.  Crazy how something like that can have the adverse effect on another human being.  As I was watching Why Did I... I started to self reflect on my own life and my past relationships.  As you watch the movie and the evolution of the marriages on screen you just start to think to yourself "I hope I never have to go through that."  But what stood out to me was how Newton's Third Law of motion applied to the relationships.  "Every action has a reaction equal in magnitude and opposite in direction."  Those of you reading this right now maybe thinking "Where the hell is he going with this?" I'm about to tell you.


I often hear women complaining about how there are no good men in the world and how we are all the same.  You are all entitled to your opinion and it's time for me to share mine on this matter.  Outside of the obvious in that being a very bold and ignorant statement to make.  It is also completely and utterly FALSE!  But what I think women fail to understand is that if that is your mentality then you are putting yourself in the position to date the same "man" over and over again.  For those of you who are thinking about this literally this maybe a good time to stop reading because the rest of this blog may go way over your head.  But I digress. If a woman convinces herself that all men are the same and none of us are capable of love, trust and commitment, as well as mongamy then you have already cheapen every relationship that you enter in from that moment on. Hence Newton's Third Law of Motion.  Contrary to popular belief, all men do not want to sleep with every woman we see or happen to be friends with. All men also do not intentionally do things to hurt women.  This may come as a complete shock to some of you but some of us actually come to just to love you.  When a man says "I love you" and MEANS it it's like watching the stars align and Earth being on its axis.  It's like a phenomenon is happening right before your eyes.  The reason I say that is because men are not emotional creatures.  Are there some emotional men out there? Absolutely, but for the most part that is not the way we are built.  So when a man decides to pour his heart out to you and tell you he loves you and wants nothing more but to spend the rest of his life with you, chances are you might want to at the very least hear him out.


I think about myself and a particular situation I was going through and I can't help but to feel a certain way about it.  I'm not going to name drop because that is not my place but I am going to speak on it.  I was with a women who to me was the most amazing woman I had ever met in my life. Educated, ambitious, strong, independent, funny, she had a great heart and she was absolutely beautiful.  But beyond all that I saw a woman who needed to be loved and who wanted to be able to reciprocate that love.  She had just gotten out of a lengthy relationship and maybe she did or maybe she didn't think she was going to marry her previous boyfriend but they were together quite awhile and one would think that at some point in time that would have been the plan.  However, things ended between the two of them and we happen to meet.  I wouldn't say I was looking for love and I certainly wouldn't say she was either but it found us and when it did it hit us like Katrina hit New Orleans.  We were that couple that people would see and say "Ugh they make me sick" and others would say "That's the kind of love I want."  We were just happy in love and it was just a beautiful sight to see.  However, eventually we got through that honeymoon phase as most relationships tend to do and reality started to set in and it was time we became adults and took a magnified look at our relationship.  We had distance between us, there were things that I wanted so desperately to give to her that I knew she wanted such as marriage and a family and at the point in time I was in no position to do so.  Trying to graduate from college and get myself together financially and just create some stability for myself.  In my heart I honestly believe that mentally I was ready to give her all of the above with no hesitation.  I'm young but I know what I want out of life. I am well aware that what I want now may not be what I want ten years from now but at the time I knew the one constant in ten years would be her.  So suffice it to say we decided to end things.  I didn't want to be that man to ask her wait for me and I loved her enough to let her go find the man that could give her all she wanted and vice versa.  She didn't want to be the woman to hold me back or keep me from doing what it is I needed to do.  We have agreed to disagree on this matter because I'm sure many of you are thinking what I am.  But I won't get into that.  I do feel our past experiences shape what's to come in the future and I just feel like her past enabled her to feel a certain way about our situation and there is no one to blame for that.


I guess what I've been trying to hammer home this whole time is that don't place men or women in a box.  It just isn't right by any means.  I don't think all women are the same and trust me I've done the field study to know that they aren't.  But we have to stop allowing our past to creep into our future and dictate what happens next.  If you have been hurt (as many of us have been) don't convince yourself that it is inetvitable.  Every relationship has its problems and loving anyone is never a walk in the park.  But not having to walk alone in that park and having someone hold your hand is beautiful.  Life is a struggle.  We have been told since since childhood that "Life isn't fair."  Well that little saying proves to be more and more true as you get older.  But just because life isn't fair doesn't mean you quit when times get tough or run when you get scared because something may fail.  If anything we should all have the exact opposite mentality and find comfort in knowing that nothing is and will never be perfect.  We've been trained for this already.  Failure is only as temporary as you allow it to be and also a state of mind.  

If you love someone and the love between the two of you is real it should be unbreakable.  It shouldn't be circumstantial by any means.  Love is Love.  It really angers me when I hear people say "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."  Let me tell you something about that saying.  When you tell someone that you are "in love" with them all you are saying is that they have met your expectations.  The minute those expecations aren't being met anymore and things begin to change, the first thing out of their mouth is "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore."  That is bullshit.  Look up bullshit in Webster's Dictionary and that is exactly what should pop up and if it doesn't well Webster hadn't thought about it back then.  Love is love people.  Believe in it, take good care of it and love will turn around take care of you.


1Love
Mr. AV

I Just Want To Go To College

 

"Mommy, I want to go to college" said the six year old little boy to his mother, while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner.  "Well son, your father can't afford college so you're going to have to do really well in school or get athletic scholarship of some sort in order to afford it" she says to her son.  Thinking nothing of it the little boy says "No problem Mommy, I'll make you and Daddy really proud of me!"  That little boys grows up and makes straight As in high school and ends up getting a scholarship to the University of Florida and graduates with his Bachelor's Degree in Secondary Education.  His entire college tuition paid with financial aid and academic scholarships.  God bless that young man.  But for every one of these kids there are one hundred kids that have trouble making the grade and sometimes some who make the grade but are not granted a academic scholarship and have no way of paying for their college education.  What happens to that young man who's parents didn't help put away that money or perhaps start a college fund for him when he was born? Does he just forfeit his opportunity to get his degree.  Many of you have already said to yourselves "He could pay his own way through college."  I can't necessarily argue against that.  But why is that burden being placed on him?  

I feel from the day a child is born it is the responsibility of the parents to see to that their child is afforded each and every opportunity to go college.  When you become a parent, life is no longer about your wants and needs.  You may disagree and that's fine. This is only one man's opinion and in my opinion if you aren't ready to to sacrifice your wants and needs for the sake of your child then you are NOT ready to be a parent.  Your child needs to come first and foremost.  Most of us heard the same saying from all of our parents growing up "I don't want you to struggle the way I did. I want you to have everything I didn't."  Keep in mind I said most of us.  Not all of us were blessed enough to have parents with that mindset.  But I digress.  The point I'm trying to make is that we all want our children to have what we didn't have growing up.  We want them to have a better life and understand the value of hard work.  With that said, if your parents did not attend college like mine didn't, one would think that if there was only one thing they wanted me to do in the world it was to attend college and graduate with my degree.  Which is exactly what they hammered home to me from the time I could comprehend what they were trying to tell me.  I didn't grow up in a high income household.  I was brought home to a studio apartment in the hood when I was born and we never had much at all.  For as long as I can remember my parents always told me that I would have to earn a scholarship of some sort because they didn't have any money to pay for my college.  So I picked up a basketball and never looked back and earned that scholarship which I would later go on to lose. Why and How I lost it is irrelevant in reference to this blog.  But I did and now I'm having to find a way to pay for college.  I'm not blaming my parents for this.  I made many choices leading up to my losing the scholarship that I earned.  I am simply stating facts.

I am very hard on our parents in today's society and I maybe holding them to a higher standard than many of you.  But I believe that it is the responsibility of parents to see to it that their child is afforded every opportunity to attend college.  I know that when my child is born he/she will immediately have a college fund in their name.  I don't care if that means that I have to work a second job just to pay for it.  It is important to me that my child has that opportunity when the time comes.  I understand that shit happens and we don't live in a perfect world.  But the moment you accept that a college fund is out of your hands you are putting your child at a very big disadvantage.  My children will work, they will know what it is to work hard for everything they want in this world and academics will be of the utmost priority in my household. But I will NOT put it all on them to get a scholarship whether its academic or athletic.  They will be working towards that goal and IF they so happen to fall short I would have done my part as a parent to see that although they may have fell short, he/she still has the opportunity to attend a University of some sort.  It pains me when I see children having to pay for the mistakes that their parents made.  I know some people that I love more than anything right now who have done absolutely great for themselves and did it all by themselves.  They bust their ass to get to where they are and there is a great sense of accomplish on their part.  However, they should not have had to kill themselves the way they did.  But their parents weren't there for them and they did what they had to do. I applaud them and have a tremendous amount of love and respect for them. (They know who they are).

In conclusion, this subject happens to be near and dear to my heart and I feel very strongly about education and college.  Others may feel differently and this may not be as high up on your priority list and I'm not knocking you.  We are all different and that is what makes us all unique.  But our children are our future and our grand children will be their future and so on. I feel we must lay a strong and solid foundation with emphasis on the importance of education and see to it that we don't just talk the talk but we also walk the walk.

This is just one man's opinion and I hope you all enjoyed this blog.

1Love 

AV

Will You... Have My Baby?

I was sitting and having a conversation with my mom a couple weeks ago about my starting a family and getting married. I hinted at being ready to be a father and she said "Just make sure you do it the right way." I thought to myself "What the f*ck is the right way?" She went on to say how she would like me to be married before I start a family and this and that. Ideally that is the plan. I would love to be married and have a wife before starting a family. But we do not live in an ideal world.

The days of getting married and starting a family seem to be dead and gone.  Engagement parties have been replaced with baby showers.  Husbands and wives have been substituted with baby momma's and baby daddy's.  Lastly, the question "Will you marry me?" has been changed to "Will you have my baby?"  Many of you reading this are shaking your head in total disbelief and disappointment.  But before we pass judgment on the individuals who partake in this way of life we must sit back and examine the numbers.  The divorce rate in the United States in now up to fifty percent.  It is estimated to rise to sixty percent by the year 2012.  Now is the time to shake your head and wonder what has happen to our society.  It used to be taboo to have children before being married.  Now it is damn near encourage and accepted.  But is that necessarily wrong?  With the divorce rate skyrocketing the way that is has, why would anyone want to get married?

My mother said "Just make sure you do it the right way."  Looking back on it that's one of the most open ended statements I may have ever heard.  Everyone has an opinion as to what the "right" way is but before lending an opinion we need to take a step back and look at ourselves.  Is the right way getting married and being established as a couple and then bring a baby into the world?  What happens after the baby is born and the married couple decides that maybe they rushed their marriage or perhaps they just don't love each other like they used to? Now that baby is going to deal with his parents getting a divorce which may include custody battles, visitation rights, etc.  It's not the baby's fault that two adults couldn't work things out. But yet its the baby who is going to be effected the most for the rest of its life! Marriage should not be a foregone conclusion when deciding what the "right" way is before starting a family.  I don't want my readers feeling like I'm against marriage or that I don't believe in it because that couldn't be farther from the truth.  I'm all about spending the rest of my life with someone and saying my vows in front of my friends, family and most importantly God.  I'm simply stating the facts.

I look at a movie like Baby Boy and Tyrese's situation in that movie.  He's a 22 year old man with two baby mommas. His first baby mother had a son that is 4 years old and his other baby mother has a infant.  Here's the twist he's actually with his first baby's momma.  Meaning he cheated and she took him back.  There's one seen in that movie that really sticks out to me in reference to my blog.  While Tyrese and his baby mother's are being sexual intimate his says to them "I want you to have my baby."  It's almost humorous to watch a man say something like to a woman he doesn't necessarily LOVE and doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with.  He doesn't want to spend his life with the woman, but yet and still he wants her to have his child that will more than likely out live him and they will have to raise that child TOGETHER!  I'm dumb founded that we as a society have convinced ourselves that it is easier to raise a child than it is to make a marriage work.  (Laughing as I typed that last sentence).  There are so many young men and women out there without fathers because some dude decided he wanted some chick to have his baby.  This has become an epidemic and we have to put a stop to this.  It is not cool! Lil Wayne says the most beautiful gift you can give to a woman is a baby.  I'm not arguing with that because I happen to agree with Mr. Carter to a certain extent.  But an even more beautiful gift is loving that woman and sharing a life with her while you raise that baby together.  It is not enough to just impregnate a woman and send her money every chance you get and see the baby when you're not busy.  It is important for that child to grow up seeing his mother and father in the same house and watching them interact and being a great example for that child.  

My intention in writing this blog wasn't to offend any single mothers out there or to talk badly about fathers who don't see their children.  I wrote this blog because I'm tired of seeing little girls allowing these men to knock them up because they love them or think they love them.  Having a man's baby is not a sure fire way to keep him.  If anything the facts tend to show it has just the opposite effect.  Unfortunately in our society our men run from the responsibility of taking care of their children.  I just want us as a society to be conscious of what is going on around us and not just accept it and adapt.  But to step up and take a stand.

In conclusion, my opinion as to what the "right" way is doing what is best for all parties involved.  When I say all parties I am including the child.  You don't necessarily have to be married but it is important to raise your child up right.  Ideally you want to be able to do it in the same household and giving that child all the love in the world while giving each other that same love.  But again we don't live in an ideal world.  I just hope and pray that when that day comes and I'm about to be a father I can do right by my child as well as my girl friend, wife or baby mother.