Will You... Have My Baby?

I was sitting and having a conversation with my mom a couple weeks ago about my starting a family and getting married. I hinted at being ready to be a father and she said "Just make sure you do it the right way." I thought to myself "What the f*ck is the right way?" She went on to say how she would like me to be married before I start a family and this and that. Ideally that is the plan. I would love to be married and have a wife before starting a family. But we do not live in an ideal world.

The days of getting married and starting a family seem to be dead and gone.  Engagement parties have been replaced with baby showers.  Husbands and wives have been substituted with baby momma's and baby daddy's.  Lastly, the question "Will you marry me?" has been changed to "Will you have my baby?"  Many of you reading this are shaking your head in total disbelief and disappointment.  But before we pass judgment on the individuals who partake in this way of life we must sit back and examine the numbers.  The divorce rate in the United States in now up to fifty percent.  It is estimated to rise to sixty percent by the year 2012.  Now is the time to shake your head and wonder what has happen to our society.  It used to be taboo to have children before being married.  Now it is damn near encourage and accepted.  But is that necessarily wrong?  With the divorce rate skyrocketing the way that is has, why would anyone want to get married?

My mother said "Just make sure you do it the right way."  Looking back on it that's one of the most open ended statements I may have ever heard.  Everyone has an opinion as to what the "right" way is but before lending an opinion we need to take a step back and look at ourselves.  Is the right way getting married and being established as a couple and then bring a baby into the world?  What happens after the baby is born and the married couple decides that maybe they rushed their marriage or perhaps they just don't love each other like they used to? Now that baby is going to deal with his parents getting a divorce which may include custody battles, visitation rights, etc.  It's not the baby's fault that two adults couldn't work things out. But yet its the baby who is going to be effected the most for the rest of its life! Marriage should not be a foregone conclusion when deciding what the "right" way is before starting a family.  I don't want my readers feeling like I'm against marriage or that I don't believe in it because that couldn't be farther from the truth.  I'm all about spending the rest of my life with someone and saying my vows in front of my friends, family and most importantly God.  I'm simply stating the facts.

I look at a movie like Baby Boy and Tyrese's situation in that movie.  He's a 22 year old man with two baby mommas. His first baby mother had a son that is 4 years old and his other baby mother has a infant.  Here's the twist he's actually with his first baby's momma.  Meaning he cheated and she took him back.  There's one seen in that movie that really sticks out to me in reference to my blog.  While Tyrese and his baby mother's are being sexual intimate his says to them "I want you to have my baby."  It's almost humorous to watch a man say something like to a woman he doesn't necessarily LOVE and doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with.  He doesn't want to spend his life with the woman, but yet and still he wants her to have his child that will more than likely out live him and they will have to raise that child TOGETHER!  I'm dumb founded that we as a society have convinced ourselves that it is easier to raise a child than it is to make a marriage work.  (Laughing as I typed that last sentence).  There are so many young men and women out there without fathers because some dude decided he wanted some chick to have his baby.  This has become an epidemic and we have to put a stop to this.  It is not cool! Lil Wayne says the most beautiful gift you can give to a woman is a baby.  I'm not arguing with that because I happen to agree with Mr. Carter to a certain extent.  But an even more beautiful gift is loving that woman and sharing a life with her while you raise that baby together.  It is not enough to just impregnate a woman and send her money every chance you get and see the baby when you're not busy.  It is important for that child to grow up seeing his mother and father in the same house and watching them interact and being a great example for that child.  

My intention in writing this blog wasn't to offend any single mothers out there or to talk badly about fathers who don't see their children.  I wrote this blog because I'm tired of seeing little girls allowing these men to knock them up because they love them or think they love them.  Having a man's baby is not a sure fire way to keep him.  If anything the facts tend to show it has just the opposite effect.  Unfortunately in our society our men run from the responsibility of taking care of their children.  I just want us as a society to be conscious of what is going on around us and not just accept it and adapt.  But to step up and take a stand.

In conclusion, my opinion as to what the "right" way is doing what is best for all parties involved.  When I say all parties I am including the child.  You don't necessarily have to be married but it is important to raise your child up right.  Ideally you want to be able to do it in the same household and giving that child all the love in the world while giving each other that same love.  But again we don't live in an ideal world.  I just hope and pray that when that day comes and I'm about to be a father I can do right by my child as well as my girl friend, wife or baby mother.