Chasing Something "New"...

"The grass isn't always greener on the other side..."

"Everything that glitters isn't gold..."

"Be careful what you wish for..."

These all are quotes we've heard at some point in our lives.  Sometimes in reference to a job opportunity, or perhaps some other opportunity that presents itself in our lives.  However, when I hear these quotes I think about how it relates to our relationships with a love interest.  Have you ever been in a relationship and decided to entertain someone else?  You start to feel like things are so much better with the new guy/girl.  There's no fighting, no stress and everything seems to flow so easily.  Depending on the situation there a variety of reasons for this. Every situation involves different people, personalities and circumstances.
But what is about the "something new" that we fall in love with? 

The "new" seems like they listen so much more, there are so much more attentive and much more available...

Perhaps they seem to be listening more because you are talking less.  Both of you are putting your best foot forward.  Neither one of you wants to step on the toes of the other.  So you talk less and it seems they listen more than your significant other at home.  Think about your life at home.  When you talk to your significant other do you ever ask them "How are you?"...  "How's everything going in your life?..." Or do you just care to ramble on about your own bullshit?

Maybe if you spent more time listening, they would care more about what you had to say.  There's a song by Lyfe Jennings in which he says, "Anybody can be good at talking, try being good at listening."  That is one of my favorite one liners of all-time.  Communication has always been important to me in any relationship.  Whether it was with a girl friend, coach or employer.  Having a open means of communication helps the relationship grow and a real understanding begins to surface when communication is a common practice in a relationship.

When it comes to attention and availability, think back to when you and your significant other first started talking.  The "Good morning text" would spark a full day of conversing.  Whether it is through text, email or actual phone conversations like in the good ol' days.  We've gotten so far removed from actually speaking to one another that it's a crying shame.  But I digress.  The point I was making is that the both of you made the time and effort it took to build on something. And now you find yourself growing apart from them.  This to me simple math.  The more time you spend talking to the "new" is time taken away from the one at home.  There's really no other way of putting that.

The reason they seem so available is because you actually have someone at home that you have to spend time with and entertaining as well.  So the "new" doesn't have to be free 24/7.  I'd be a lot more willing to give my time to if I only had to give it in spurts.  Don't confused what you're getting from the "new" with what you're not getting from your significant other.  More often than not you're contributing to the problem.

Don't confuse settling with just wanting something new...


One of the more common reasons we branch off looking for that greener grass is because we convince ourselves we deserve better.  There is no such thing as a perfect person and it is that very reason it is impossible to have a perfect relationship.  You are going to lack something in every relationship you enter into.  It is your prerogative to decide what you are and aren't willing to be without.  But before you do that you have to real with yourself too.  Which has proven to be one of the hardest things for anyone to do.  But once you've done you looked yourself in the mirror and you can be honest about what you bring to the table.  That is when you can make a rational decision as what you feel your significant other should bring with them.

Relationships are hard work.  Anyone who tells you different has no fucking clue what they are talking about.  You can tell them that Cecil Avant said so.  You're not going to be happy all day, everyday.  You're going to get bored sometimes, you're not going to like everything they say or do.  But at the end of the day, if you love your significant other and you can't live without them.  Then those are the things that are going to have to matter less and less. 

There is ALWAYS, I'll say this again for emphasis... ALWAYS going to be someone who looks better than the one you are with.  If you can't get that though your head right now then you're a lost cause.  You will be a very lonely person, always looking for the next fat ass or nice body that makes itself seen.  I read a quote today by one of my friends and it said "Real men don't love the most beautiful girl in the world, they love the girl who can make their world the most beautiful."  This will escape many of you.  But the older and wiser you get the more this quote becomes a fixture in your love life.  Chasing something new gets old real quick.  After awhile you just want someone who loves and appreciates for who you are. And not just the person you were when you put your best foot forward.  But the person you are on your worst day!


Don't open that Pandora's Box...

I'll get personal and speak from experience on this one.  I was in a relationship a few years ago and things were going really well.  I was happy with her and we had no real problems to speak of. Anyhow, I was at a party one night and ended up meeting a woman through a friend.  We exchanged pleasantries and that was pretty much the end of it. Or so I thought.  We went our separate ways.  The next day I received a text from a random number that read "Hi this is so and so and it was really nice to meet you last night."  I can't lie, I was flattered that she had gone out of her way to get my number and reach me.  I expressed to her that it was nice meeting her as well.  She proceeded to text me.  I should have stopped her right then and there and explained to her I was in a relationship. But I didn't and allowed this charade to continue.
 
She never asked if I was dating someone and I didn't feel the need to offer up the information.  We decided to go see a movie and hang out.  That lead to more dates which eventually lead to sex.  I was officially a "cheating bastard."  We never discussed being together or any like that.  We were just enjoying each other's company.  One day out of the blue I decided I didn't want to be in a relationship and ended things with my girl friend. I realized that all the time and energy I was putting into the other chick was effecting how I felt about my relationship.  I was neglecting my girl friend, our relationship and everything we had built just so I can entertain something new.
Needless to say after I broke with my girl friend, the other woman and I slowly drifted apart and we never spoke again.

I know had I never decided to entertain the other woman and kept my ass at home things would have been much different.  Not to say we'd still be together, but another woman would not have been the reason for our relationship not working out.  I was guilty of opening Pandora's Box and I learned a lot from that experience.  I left something good, for something new and ended up with nothing.

If you find yourself in love and not being able to live without the one you are with.  My advice to you is to keep your time, energy and love with them.  Everything that glitters really isn't gold.  Trust yourself and the commitment you've made to your significant other and your relationship.  Its not always going to be perfect but you can't put a price on having someone by your side that loves you for who you are.  This isn't to say that everything will always workout if you take heed to this blog post.  Shit happens and we can't control a lot of what goes around us.  But the things we can control we need to make sure we approach with a passion and love because in the end there is no where else to place the blame.


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